Telling Neal
by theweirdworder
Summary: What if Kel told Neal of her crush on him, as a page?Or told of that crush years later?What if her crush didn't take place until her knight years?Different oneshots of ways Kel tells Neal...major pieces of news, mostly that she like/d him.
1. Scenario 1 'I Like You, Neal'

Scenario 1- ''I Like You, Neal.'' 

Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it in her eardrums. She swore it was going to pop out of her chest, it was beating so fast. Despite how nervous she felt, she knew that she had to do this, that it couldn't go on like this anymore. She had to tell him.

But what if he didn't like her? Could she handle that? What if he liking him irrevocably changed their friendship? Wouldn't to just be easier to let this crush-thingy fade?

Don't tell him, a part of her mind was screaming, if you tell him, you'll regret it. With that, second thoughts poured through her head.

No, the other part of her mind said, you have to tell him. He deserves to know. It's not like you can keep going on like this anyway. It's too hard and… awkward… and confusing. You've had this crush for over a year-no, two years- now and it still hasn't faded. He'll find out somehow, sometime about this crush and it would be better if he found this out from you.

She knocked on the door, and forced her knock to be audible.

She knocked three times and he still didn't answer. Maybe this is a sign from the gods that I shouldn't do this, she thought.

She decided to knock on the door one more time and if he still didn't answer, she would leave.

On that last knock, he opened the door.

''Good morning, Kel,'' he said, ''what brings you here at this hour? You woke me up.''

His sandy hair was knotted and ruffled from sleep, and he was in his pajamas.

''Neal, it's noon!'' She couldn't help pointing that out- Neal always slept until ridiculous hours on rest days.

''Oh, it is?''

Kel nodded and Neal yawned.

''I could of slept a bit longer if you hadn't come,'' he said, ''which brings me back to- Why did you come here?''

Kel swore her heart was in her throat, she was so nervous. Her heart beat faster than before, and she swore that it would fall out right next to Neal. She took a deep breath.

''You all right, Kel?'' he asked, noticing she didn't say anything and looked like she was in pain.

She nodded, and prepared the speech she made up in her head: ''Neal, I like you. I like you more than a friend, a lot more than a friend. I have for a long time. I hope you like me, too. If you don't, then I hope we can be friends.''

Feeling like her knees would collapse from under her, Kel ran away before he could respond.

Despite how quickly she said it, Neal heard ''I like you'' and ''more than a friend.''

He stood there in shock- he had no idea whatsoever that Kel had liked him. Out of all the things he expected her to tell him that was the last thing he expected he expected her to say. The news was like cold water thrown on him while he was sleeping.

Neal thought a lot about it. A relationship with Kel couldn't work out. He didn't feel the emotions she did, firstly. He couldn't give it a try, either- there was too much an age difference, and it would feel morally wrong to go out with her. Plus, if the relationship didn't work out… it would jeopardize their friendship.

After that, he sat there thinking of a way to tell her he didn't feel without hurting her.

He knocked on Kel's door, feeling extremely nervous.

''Kel, I think we need to talk,'' he told her when she opened the door.

She put on her Yamani mask and nodded.

Uh oh, Neal thought, her mask. That's not a good sign.

''Kel, I really like you,'' he began, and he noticed a flicker of hope on her face (Oh that's not making it easier, he thought when he did), ''but as a friend. I hope we can still be friends. You're a great girl but…''

''I understand.''

A brief flicker of disappointment lit her face before she put the mask back on.

''Kel…'' he began.

''It's alright, I understand how you don't like me,'' she said, '' I hope we can still be friends, too.''

Even though her voice was clear, there were tears in her eyes.

''I'm really sorry,'' he said.

''I told you it's alright,'' she said, her back turned.

He knew she was crying, and felt immense guilt. He wished things were different, that she was older or he was younger, just so she wouldn't have to hurt. He wished anything so she wouldn't have to hurt, and he wouldn't be the one to have hurt her.

Not knowing what else to say, he left the room.

''Lalasa,'' Kel said as her maid entered the room, ''he doesn't like me back.''

She broke out sobbing.

''Oh Kel..''

Lalasa went to her and held her as she sobbed.

Lalasa knew Kel liked Neal, and knew that a relationship between the two couldn't ever work out but it still broke her heart to see that rejection unraveled her mistress.

Even though Kel was tough, she was still subject to heartbreak.

''Neal, what's wrong with Kel?'' Owen asked Neal.

The guilt Neal had been feeling the past couple of days grew at the fact that clueless Owen could see that something was wrong with his best friend.

''None of your business, Jesslaw,'' Neal told him sharply.

''Jeez, I was just asking,'' Owen said, taken aback by his tone.

It was then that the possibility that Kel was suffering heartbreak at the hands of Neal was a thought that entered his thoughts.

''You didn't do that, did you?'' he asked.

''I said it's none of your business!''

''You did! What were you thinking? Do you know how many of us would have gladly taken that offer?''

''Shut up, Owen,'' he said, ''I feel guilty enough.''

It was hard for Kel to look at him, and worse talk to him, and pretend that everything was alright when it wasn't. It was hard to think about him, for every time she did her heart squeezed and it was hard to breathe.

Sometimes when she woke up, she forgot. Then it came back and hurt her all over again.

Slowly and painfully, her crush ebbed away. Time went on and she had other infatuations, even other relationships. She realized, later on, how stupid and impossible, it really was (But wasn't that what love was? she thought).

Whether telling him was a mistake, Kel never knew. She gave Neal a part of her heart that she couldn't get back, she knew that. And she knew that she learned a lesson or two about love from it.

**A/N This came to me randomly last night- I had to write it down. I know I should have been working on my other story but… I hoped you liked it. It wasn't my favorite idea, but oh well. Please review anyway. I'll write another oneshot as soon as I can. **


	2. Scenario 2 'My First Crush Was On'

Scenario 2- ''My First Crush was On...''

Neal's daughter, Konisali, had a problem only her Aunt Kel would know how to solve.

Aunt Kel, after all, was a page before, the first female page in centuries, so she would understand it. Just as she understood all the problems in a girl could have tackling a world dominantly male.

''Aunt Kel, I... have a little bit of a problem,'' she began, ''can I talk to you alone about it?''

The older woman nodded, as Konisali led her to her bedroom.

''Alright, Koni, what is it?'' she asked, concern in her voice, ''are those boys teasing you again?''

''It's fine, I've got them,'' she said, dismissing them with a wave of her hand, ''no, it's something else...''

Kel saw the dreamy look that entered her eye, knowing specifically what caused it. She had that same look, 22 years before, when thinking of a certain lanky, green-eyed page.

''Uh- oh. Is it a boy?''

''Yes! You know Alax?''

''The boy who sponsored you, right? Your best friend?''

''Yes, him. Well, last year he only felt like a friend to me. But after I started liking boys as more than friends... somewhere along the line, I started liking him as more than a friend, too...''

''So you're having your first crush?''

''I think so... ''

Kel smiled. ''When did you come to the conclusion you had a crush on him?''

''I don't know when but... Whenever I look into his eyes, my heart beats really fast and my legs feel like they're going to collapse from under me. Oh and the thought of his eyes...''

''Ah, that's a crush. I felt the same way.''

''What should I do? Tell him? Keep it a secret? Just wait to see what happens? It's been a year and it's not fading...''

''Well, I didn't tell my first crush, because I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship... and I figured if we weren't that then I at least wanted us to be friends. At that time, I think, it was the right decision. At the time it felt like it would never go away, but it did, eventually. Though saying that, I don't know what things would of been like if I had told him. Not telling him always made me wonder what he would of said to it.''

''So I shouldn't tell him?''

''I think you should wait. Boys are so much slower than girls, and he probably doesn't like you yet. But wait a year or two, and he might. You can decide then, if you still have the crush.''

''Did you have the crush on that guy by then?''

''_Yes_. I had that crush for most of my page years.''

''When did it go away?''

''When I fell for his cousin. I was a squire by then.''

''Who was the guy you fell for?''

Kel smiled impishly. ''Your father. You're the first person I've told- I don't think I've even told him. ''

''You had a crush on me as a page?'' Neal asked from outside the door, blowing his cover.

''You were eavesdropping on us, Neal?'' Kel asked, her voice annoyed.

Koni's face turned red.

Neal entered.

''I was just outside when I heard Koni talking about a boy,'' Neal said, ''I was going to go in, but then when Kel started talking, I was curious so I didn't.''

''How much did you hear?'' Kel asked.

''Enough. What's that boy's name? I should go in and teach him a lesson...''

Koni's face turned redder.

''Just to let you know, Koni, if he pursues a relationship with you anything beyond friendly, I'll...''

''Neal, that's enough!''

''What? I'm only protecting her. I'm the father, she's the daughter and he's the boy. You know how that works...''

Kel rolled her eyes.

''So I'm curious... You really had a crush on me?'' His eyebrows lifted in amusement.

''As a page, yes. I had a crush on you as a page.'' Kel's eyes shined with just as much amusement.

''Really?''

Kel nodded.

Neal laughed, and when he did, she rolled her eyes again.

''Come on, Koni, if you want to discuss this someplace else, we can.''

''Wait a minute,'' Neal said, ''I already told you. Forget it. She absolutely, positively CANNOT pursue this guy...''

Kel felt the urge to laugh at him and slap him in the face at the same time.

As his oldest and only daughter, Neal was extremely protective of his daughter( it didn't help that Koni was the spitting image of Yuki). This protection was both funny and annoying.

''Neal, shut it. This is none of your business.''

''None of my business! She's my daughter...''

''Yes but this is her life, not yours.''

Seeing that Neal was properly speechless, Kel turned to his daughter.

''Koni, do you want to go someplace else and talk about this?'' she asked the girl.

''No, thank you, I think I think I have a good idea what to do.''

''If you're only saying that because of your father, I can take care of him.''

''No, really I think I know what to do now,'' Koni said, smiling, ''thank you Aunt Kel.''

''Sure thing, kiddo,'' she said, ''if you need any more advice on anything, I'll be more than willing to give you some.''

''If that's anything besides never, ever having a boyfriend...'' Neal began.

''Papa, you know that's not going to happen,'' Koni said, winking at Kel( who then winked back).

''We'll see about that,'' Neal said.

''One more question,'' Koni said, ''did the crush with Uncle Dom fade, too?''

''Yes,'' Kel answered, ''when I developed a relationship with another squire.''

She was partially telling the truth. When she was with Cleon it was gone, but when she wasn't it was there.

The crush with Dom was on and off. She had an infatuation with him as a squire, but it went away after another boyfriend and an eventual husband( who died at battle soon after they got married). Now it was back and stronger than ever. But that bit of information was nothing, she would tell Koni.

''If you talk to her about that, I'll kill you,'' Neal said.

Kel and Koni passed mischievous glances to each other.


	3. Scenario 3 'He Broke Up with Me'

Scenario 3- ''He Broke Up with Me.'' 

''I just can't do this anymore, '' Neal heard Dom say, ''I'm really sorry, Kel, but I don't think this is going to work.''

At Kel's name, Neal was instantly at the door, eavesdropping on the conversation.

''So you're breaking up with me?'' he heard Kel asked, the Yamani-smooth tone in her voice. Neal knew she used that tone when she didn't want you to see how she was feeling.

''Oh not that godsdamned voice again! I'm really sorry, Kel but…''

''No, you're not. You're not sorry at all.''

''Kel, you're a really nice girl but…''

''I'm not a court lady. I'm not Elia.''

''I couldn't help it, Kel. She's just so…''

''I was going to forgive you, you know. I was going to forgive you for that one night. But it's been more than one night hasn't it?''

So Dom was cheating on Kel! Neal couldn't believe it. If he had Kel he would never cheat on her. And he would never hurt like he was sure Dom was doing.

''Yes,'' Neal heard him admit in a low voice he could barely hear, ''yes, dammit I couldn't help it! I tried to stay faithful to you but she… My control fades every time I'm with her. I've been trying, Kel. Trying to make this work, trying to end all that with her but… I just can't. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends.''

There was silence at the door for a while.

''I hope we can be friends,'' Dom repeated.

''Friends?'' Kel asked, ''friends after all you've done? Friends? Seriously, Dom? _Friends_?''

''Kel…''

''Dom, if I fell for another guy, I would tell you right away. I wouldn't just fall for my affections, sleep with him, and keep that from you, too. I'd tell you and try to mend my relationship with you, and control my affections. If I couldn't, I'd break up with you straight out. I at least wouldn't cover up what I did, with bullshit like ''I tried'' and ''let's be friends''. And I would still not see him after I broke up to you. You know why, Dom? Because I at least have some regard for you, and I care about how _you_ would feel and that _you_ would be hurt. I at least expected the same thing out of you, too.''

''Kel...''

''Just shut up, Dom,'' Kel said, venom and hurt entering her voice, '' shut up and go away.''

Neal heard footsteps walking away and another set of footsteps running away.

Soon Kel flashed right before him, right past him, so upset that she didn't even notice him.

He ran up to her, though, running to her as fast as he possibly could.

''Why are you running?'' he asked, even though he knew the answer, ''what's wrong?''

''Your cousin broke up with me,'' she answered, her voice slightly shaky, ''in the process admitting he cheated on me multiple times.''

Neal felt his heart cringe with pity. It took a lot for Kel's voice to get like that.

''Oh Kel,'' he said, ''I'm so sorry.''

''For what?'' she asked, ''you didn't do anything.''

The hurt in her voice as she asked that broke his heart.

He knew Kel was strong, but she loved deeply. And when those ties were severed, or hurt, in some way… It hurt her more than anything else.

Oh if he had her, he would never hurt her like that…

''I know,'' he said, ''but I'm sorry he did that… I never thought he would.''

That was true. Dom didn't exactly keep long relationships, or have much regard for the relationships he had. But never had one of those girls been his friend first (and a very good friend at that) or had ever been Kel. When he went up to Dom, after he found out that Kel and Dom decided to take their friendship one step further, and made him promise not to hurt her, he had thought he meant it when he promised he never would. And when he saw them together, he thought more so that Dom was sincere.

''I didn't either.''

Her voice was so sad, so small, so resigned that the anger he felt for his cousin doubled.

''If I knew, I would of never…''

''Me, either.''

She turned her face away from him, and a strangled sound-something like a sob that couldn't be kept down-came from her.

He put her arms around her.

''You're not good enough for him,'' he said, ''not if he does that to _you_, not if he doesn't know how lucky he is to you, and thank the gods every day that he got that lucky.''

''Not to him, obviously.''

He could hear the bitterness and attempted Yamani-ness in her voice, obvious borders Kel put up trying to hide her tears from him.

''Well then he's blind. I'm sure that ditzy court lady is going to disappoint him real fast and then he'll be wishing he had. Either that or she's going to do the same thing he did to you, and he'll be just as broken-hearted as you are now.''

Kel smiled briefly and sadly before tears fell silently down her cheeks at a rapid rate.

He tightened his embrace, and let him sob on her.

It was then he knew he had to tell her.

''Kel, I…''

''What?''

Looking into her deep hazel eyes, he suddenly lost control of his speech.

''I…''

Butterflies erupted in his stomach, and into his nerves, making it so that he lost control of his mouth muscles.

''What?''

He couldn't do it.

''I'm going to kick his ass, Kel,'' he said instead.

**OK, I know this was more Neal than Kel but it still qualified since Kel said something (and that Neal didn't give his major piece of news). Because of this I thought of naming the chapters on what Kel says to Neal( or basically what she said). I hoped you liked this: please review on it!**


	4. Scenario 4 'I Hear Footsteps'

Scenario 4- ''I Hear Footsteps'' 

It was the year-long anniversary since they had together and they needed to celebrate it.

''I think it's been long enough for us to… you know…''Neal began, ''if you want to.''

Kel nodded. ''We'd have to do it someplace private,'' she said, ''not in the barracks or anything. We'd be in big trouble if we got caught.''

Neal nodded. ''How about… deep in the forest or something?''

Kel nodded at that. ''Deep, deep in the forest.''

So off they went, into the forest.

''This is my first time,'' Kel whispered, as Neal undid the laces on her dress. Neal could hear something almost like fear in her voice.

''Mine, too,'' he said, with a reassuring smile.

Kel didn't say anything, but put on her mask.

''If you really don't want to do it, just tell me and we won't,'' he said, ''just please don't put on the mask if we do it.''

In an instant, the mask fell off her face. The face she showed to Neal was one of anticipation, excitement and fear.

''No, I want to do it,'' she said, her classic determination blending in with her other emotions, ''I love you. I'm just a little… you know…''

''I know,'' he said, smiling. He then proceeded to untie her laces, and her dress slid off her shoulders, showing her naked body.

He had never seen her (or any other woman) that way. She was at her most vulnerable- no weapons or barriers- just for him. Those things added another beauty, another, new side of their relationship.

Hurriedly, thoughtlessly, he took off his shirt and breeches.

She smiled, and put on the anti-pregnancy charm, and lay down on the ground.

''Ready?'' he asked, as he flexed his arms over her in a hovering position.

''Yes,'' she whispered, with such sureness that he was, too.

''This is your last chance,'' he warned, just in case, ''your last chance to just take your virginity and go.''

''I know,'' she said, still smiling, ''just do it, take it away.''

So he nodded, and pressed himself on her, taking it away.

It was the next night, the next time they did it, was the not-so-pleasant time.

It was easier that time, all the complications of the first time, taken away.

They met in the same place, and did the same thing.

They were in the middle of making love, when she heard a noise she couldn't identify.

''Neal, what's that?'' she asked, ''I hear footsteps.''

''It's nothing, Kel,'' he said, ''you must be imagining things.''

She paused what they were doing to scan the air for suspicious sounds.

She couldn't hear any more noise so, perplexed; Kel wordlessly went back to Neal.

Minutes later, she was taken by Neal's spell again, and they were in their own world again. Because of that fact, Kel didn't notice that the footsteps became louder and closer to them.

The footsteps came toward them then, approaching them.

''Kel!'' the sound of two familiar voices rising in alarm broke Kel from her stupor.

In a flash, Kel got off of Neal, and slipped herself in the dress(not bothering with the laces and her petticoat).

The two voices were Baird and Dom, who were now covering their eyes and looking really freaked out. Numair Salmalín, Tortall's chief mage, was also there, covering his eyes.

''Yes?'' Kel said, trying to uphold the dignity she had left.

She tried to put on her Yamani mask to hide her flaming mortification. It worked for the most part, except for a tinge of red at her cheeks.

Slowly and reluctantly, Baird peeled his hands off his eyes. ''Numair wanted to talk to you about the protection spell he was going to put on Haven,'' he said, his voice shaky with what he had just seen despite trying to act like he hadn't.

Numair peeled his fingers off his eyes and nodded.

''Do you want to discuss it, then?'' Kel asked, keeping up her mask despite her worsening embarrassment.

Numair nodded.

''So you're not going to report us, are you?'' Kel asked Baird, when they were alone.

Baird took a deep breath and sighed, and as he did Kel felt panic rise within her.

''Please don't, sir,'' she said, trying to keep her composure, '' I...I've been with Neal for over a year and I've never felt anything like what I feel with him. I've been with others before but he... he's just...'' Kel looked at Baird, desperately trying to find a word.

Baird smiled knowingly. ''You're in love with him,'' he said, '' I wish I didn't have to see you _loving_ him.'' At this Kel, felt her cheeks redden slightly at this. ''But I know what love feels like and I wouldn't want to take that away from my son, or a girl as great as you. So in this case, I will act as a father, not as what I should be acting. I won't tell.''

Kel, overcome with relief, hugged Baird tightly. ''Thank you,'' she said, and as she said it Baird could hear the sincerity in her voice.

''You've officially scarred me for life, ''Dom began, when he saw both Neal and Kel together the next day.

Kel and Neal both said nothing.

''You two, together, doing...ugh.''

''Sorry you had to see that,'' Kel said.

''We certainly didn't mean you to,'' Neal said.

''Obviously,'' Dom said, ''and I sure as hell didn't want to see it.''

''You aren't going to report us, are you?'' Kel had to ask, though she had confidence that he wouldn't, ''your uncle said he wouldn't.''

Seeing the pleading look in both of their eyes, and that they were actually serious about each other, Dom was taken aback. He wouldn't have told on them in the first place, relating to the fact of having relationships with some of the girls in the post he wasn't supposed to have. None of those relationships were serious things, though.

Seeing how much they really, genuinely loved each other made him definitely sure that it was the wrong thing to tell.

''I won't,'' he said, his voice serious, ''don't worry.''

Despite Kel's confidence that he wouldn't tell, she still felt immense relief over his answer.

Seeing her reaction and Neal's similar one, he knew even more that this was the right thing.

''Close call,'' Neal said, when they were alone that night, ''if my dad and Dom thought to tell, or Numair...''

Kel flinched, thinking. ''We'd be in big trouble. I'd have to choose between knighthood and...''

He nodded. ''Let's not think about it.''

She nodded.

''I love you,'' he said, then he kissing her.

''I love you, too,'' Kel said, when she stopped kissing him.

''Do you want to make love again in the forest?'' he asked, ''we'd have to be deeper in than last time of course.''

She nodded and smiled. ''I'd like that.''

**I'm finally done this. Definitely NOT my favorite again but oh well. I hoped you liked this anyway. It was a lot like writing my oneshot Aly and Neal Almost Take a Stand, except I had more fun writing it. Well enough of my rambling...Please review- thank you for those who already have! The next is ''Joren Tried To...'' and it will be the first one that involves no romance of any kind. I'll update that as soon as I can. **


	5. Scenario 5 'Joren Tried to'

Scenario 5- ''Joren Tried To...'' 

Kel knew his behavior was suspicious. Finding no proof of anything bad, she couldn't do anything about it. While part of her mind was thinking, ''maybe he's changed'', the deeper, inner part just _knew_ this wasn't so.

It was just a normal day, like any other. Joren was talking to Kel, and wanted to take her back to her rooms but Kel refused.

''I can walk to my rooms,'' Kel said, ''I'm not incapable.''

Joren argued this point with various ridiculous things.

''I'm fine, Joren,'' Kel said, feeling suspicion stir up inside of her. Neal's warning flared into her head, screaming.

As Kel walked back to her room, she felt a strange feeling. Something was watching her. She took a look around and seeing nothing, she unlocked the door to her room.

Just as she was about to enter, she felt something-a hand- pull her down.

The hand went to the laces in the back of her dress and began forcefully unlacing.

Kel knew with a sudden pang in her stomach her attacker's intentions, and _knew _that he couldn't act them out.

Kel pushed him off of her, and kicked him as he came toward her. He came near her again, and pulled at her dress sleeve, leaving a bare shoulder.

She shoved him off of her again, clawing him, and kicked him twice in what she could feel were his ribs.

He tried pressing her down again, his grip steel.

Unable to move her arms, Kel kicked him again, as hard as she could.

''It's time for you to be put in your place, bitch,'' a voice, tinged with exertion, said in the darkness.

She knew that voice. It was Joren, Joren who had been strangely and suspiciously nice of the late. Now she knew why. He wanted to rape her.

''No,'' she said, ''I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it.''

''You'll do what I tell you to do.''

Then he threw her against the wall, and pushed her there. She heard something rip- that left dress sleeve she knew- and her skirt being pushed up. She writhed and squirmed, making the grip harder. ''No, no, no,'' she kept saying, chant-like, but he wasn't listening.

She kicked him. Kicked him, again and again and again, in his face, in his stomach, in his groin. She could feel him being torn off of her, as he went flying into the hallway, and heard the loud crack of him hitting the wall.

''I said no!'' She shouted this to him at first, and then repeated it in a whisper: ''I said no.''

''What's going on, Kel?'' she heard someone asked.

Lantern light illuminated the dark hallway, and she saw the curious and concerned eyes of her friends on her, Neal's green eyes shining above them all.

It was Neal who asked the question, she realized, after a few moments. She steadied her breath, and after a few more moments she answered him. ''Joren tried to...'' she began, panting, ''tried to... force me.''

Neal's face slowly illuminated in shock. He shone his lantern on Joren, who was half-naked, his breeches right next to him. Then he shone it on Kel, examining her state by sliding the view from her head to her feet.

He, with fury, noticed multiple rips and tears in her dress, especially a big one that exposed her left shoulder and went down dangerously close to her breast.

He also noticed the fear in her eyes, before she put up her Yamani mask, and was reminded of the time when she saved them all from bandits three years before. She was just as afraid as the others, but despite that she fought the bandits and lead them with a clear thing. She must have done the same thing this time, and that was the thing that saved her from...

Seeing Joren attempt to get up, he ran over to him and kicked him as hard as he could. ''She's just a kid, you pervert!'' he exclaimed.

Wyldon suddenly approached, making his way through the crowd. ''What's going on?'' he asked, though he already knew the answer.

''Joren tried to force me, sir,'' Kel said, working harder than usual to keep on her Yamani mask.

''Force you to do what?'' Wyldon asked. Though he knew what she meant, his job forced him to ask.

''He tried to rape me, sir,'' Kel said, the effort to keep up the mask up increasing. As she said this, she could see the rage, hatred and disgust on her friends' faces and even on those she barely knew.

Wyldon tried to hide the disgust on his face, as he told Joren to put on his pants and report to his office.

Neal knocked on Kel's door, feeling rage at Joren and concern for Kel mix together in a sickening combination in his chest.

She didn't answer so he did it again, feeling the rage and concern boil in his chest to an even higher level.

She still didn't answer, so he knocked three more times.

''Kel, please answer,'' he begged after he knocked for what he felt was the millionth time, ''please. I want- I need- to talk to you.''

Nothing.

''Please...''

To his surprise, the door opened and showed Kel.

''Come in,'' she said.

The first thing Neal noticed about Kel was that she was wearing her Yamani mask. This could only mean she was trying to hide her feelings, and the thought hurt him in various ways.

''Kel...'' he began, ''how are you?''

''I don't know,'' she said, ''I... nothing happened but it almost did. I came so close to having my virginity stripped away from me, and it scares me so much.''

Neal was knocked speechless. What could say? That it didn't happen, that it was okay now, that her virginity wasn't stripped away from her at least. What good would those things do?

''I'm angry at him, and I'm angry at myself. I knew that something was up, that he was being too friendly for him....''

''Are you trying to say that you think this is your fault?''

''Part of it is. I should have been...''

''Kel, listen to me,'' Neal said, ''none of this is your fault. It's all him. _All _him. He's a sick bastard, a man whore and you just...''

The expression on her face stopped him cold. A single tear fell down her cheek then, a show of how shaken she really was.

''Oh Kel...''

It took 3 more months for the case to be tried at court. It then took a month for the case to be heard and tried.

It was a month of gritty details, and repressed feelings, nightmares and a paralyzing combination of anger and fear.

It was a month of pity-filled support from everyone, which Kel couldn't stand.

''Guilty,'' she heard the judge say. She would always remember that voice. The judge's face she soon forgot but she remembered that voice because of all it triggered. Joren's face, the faces of those watching the trial, how briefly her mask slipped.

''Do you still want to be a knight now?'' Wyldon asked.

Kel knew that once more he was trying to convince her out of being a lady knight, as he had done before in her early page years. He had asked this question to her when he told her she could stay, and after the situation with Joren. Her parents, and some of her friends, had asked her that question, too.

And she knew the answer.

''Yes, sir,'' she answered, ''I do.''

''You know that the chances of something like this isn't unlikely,'' Wyldon said.

Kel nodded.

Wyldon nodded hesitantly. ''Alright, then,'' he said.

Some nights were harder than others. Some nights she woke up, sweating and cold with fear, from a nightmare about what had happened. She healed though, and moved on, but she never forgot.

**I know this isn't like the other scenarios but it popped into my head. I heard a statistic that disturbed me and gave me the idea for this. It's that a woman in the US military is more likely to be raped than killed at battle. So the chances of this happening on Kel, a lone woman out of… It's…. Plus, you figure this isn't entirely out of character for him. Well this gave me chills writing it, so if this was too much for you… The next chapter will be back to romance again so don't worry. Please keep reading and reviewing, even if this chapter was hard on you. **


	6. Scenario 6 'You Can't Go'

Scenario 6- ''You Can't Go I...''

That day was a battle like any other in the string of battles that year.

The sun was shining, and the skies were clear, and below the ground gleamed bright red with the blood of men.

Neal fought and healed at the same time, switching off between the two acts sporadically.

Kel, his best friend and secret love, as well as Baird, his father and Tortall's chief healer, were both worried about this and tried to persuade him not to do it. However he couldn't be convinced, as Tortall needed both of these skills.

Kel could have predicted what would happen, easily, though she prayed to the gods that it wouldn't. What happened was her worst nightmare.

Neal was healing a soldier when an arrow flew through his chest.

Kel didn't notice at first. She was too busy fighting a soldier of her own, a fight that was heavily and narrowly fought, until she finally saw a weakness and defeated the soldier.

Then she saw him. Splayed out on the ground and covered in blood, he lay there motionless. It was then and there that her heart flew out of her chest, landing on her sleeve for all to see.

''Neal!'' she screamed.

She ran to him, as fast as she could, mindless of how dangerous it was to do so.

Her head went dizzy with panic, and it was when she sat beside him that she forced herself to clear her head.

This was easy to do for she was a natural at it and did it so many times in the past.

She did everything her training told her to do, that she could do considering that she wasn't a healer.

His eyes were closing and he was losing blood fast.

But he couldn't go. He was her everything. He was the heart that beat inside her (the heart that beat so fast when he came near her) and kept her going. He was her light, and he shone so brightly in her heart. He was the beam that kept her upright. First and foremost, he was her very best friend. He was all of this and he didn't even know it. He couldn't go.

She did all she was supposed to do but she was losing him fast and she could feel it.

''Neal,'' she whispered, her voice shaky with suppressed sobs and desperateness, ''you can't go I....''

She wanted to say so badly the words that she could never say, despite how badly she wanted to, needed to.

She had those words, he had to know in case he...

''I love you.''

She said it in a rush, the speed of the words as fast as her beating heart.

''I love you,'' she repeated, the second time easier to say, ''so wake up.''

His eyelids flickered open. ''Kel...'' he whispered his voice hoarse.

''Neal,'' she whispered, immediately assuming that he hadn't heard her, ''I'm going to go up and get you to your father.''

''Kel..'' he whispered again.

''What is it, Neal?'' she asked, her voice a strange combination of worry and calm.

''I love you, too,'' he said.

Kel couldn't help but smile for a moment, and Neal couldn't either.

But as soon as that happy moment came, it went.

''I have to get you to your father,'' she said, picking him up.

''Kel..''

''What?''

''I...'' he began.

''Hold on, Neal,'' Kel said, her voice pleading, ''hold on.''

''Kel...''

Kel didn't answer, just searched for Baird. The blood was beginning to soak through the cloth that she tried to wrap around his wounds. Every second was crucial, and every second wasted was a second closer to...

She banished that thought from her mind.

She found Baird, and ran to him.

''Baird, it's Neal,'' she said, trying desperately to keep her voice calm, ''he's been hit.''

A flicker of worry lit Baird's eye, and increased when he saw Neal's state.

Kel watched Baird's futile attempts at saving his son. She knew what would happen even before she saw the tears well up in the healer's eyes.

''He's lost too much blood,'' Baird said with a shaky voice.

It was then Kel realized that Neal's eyes were closed and his body unmoving.

''No,'' she whispered.

She looked at him for a couple of moments before an impulse hit her.

Now or maybe never, she told herself.

Somehow her lips landed on his and she kissed him hard.

She kissed him until she saw his eyes flutter once more.

''Neal, stay with me,'' she whispered, ''please.''

Neal smiled sadly, a smile that caused a flash of hopelessness and desperateness flood her.

''Stay, please,'' she whispered, ''for everyone, for me, for _us_. I need you, Neal. We all need you.''

Neal smiled sadly, and seeing that he was about to let go, she kissed him.

Her kiss was a desperate attempt to keep him alive, with a hint of farewell at knowing how futile her efforts were.

His kiss was a desperate attempt to hang on, but more than that it was a farewell knowing how futile his own attempts were.

Then the inevitable happened. He stopped kissing back and his skin went cold.

She felt this and knew what just happened but still kept up the hope that he was alive.

When she felt it though, she pulled away. ''Come on, Neal,'' she whispered, ''stay alive. Please.''

When nothing happened, she shook his shoulders.

''Come on, Neal,'' she whispered.

Then she checked his pulse and felt nothing.

''No, no, no Neal,'' she begged.

''He's dead, Kel,'' Baird said, tears in his eyes.

The truth was bad enough to know, but to hear it said…

She broke down sobbing.

''Kel…'' a crackly voice said.

She turned around quickly, hoping it was Neal. She felt disappointment flood her when she saw it was his father instead, whose voice was crackling from tears(not from being an inch from death).

She looked at him briefly, and they shared glances that told what their mouths couldn't.

Kel loved Neal, and had for a long time.

Baird was alright with that.

They both had no idea what they were going to do with Neal dead.

That being said(or felt), Kel got up. She knew what she had to do, despite what had happened.

So she went to fight to half-heartedly finish the battle she started, her tears blurring her vision of the battlefield.

_''Neal, you shouldn't do this,'' she had told him. _

_''Kel, I have to,'' he said, ''Tortall needs both of my skills.'' _

_''Neal, please, no,'' she said, pleading, ''don't do it. Even your father said it wasn't safe.'' _

_He gave her a look of regret and reluctance. ''I know. And I know the risks I'm taking, too. But I must, Kel, I simply must.'' _

_A look of desperation crossed her face. He couldn't do both, it was too dangerous. She knew Tortall needed him but she did, too. And she still needed to tell him… _

_''Neal…'' she began. _

_''Kel, don't start,'' he said, ''it won't do any good.'' _

_Kel felt the urge to cry. Maybe if she burst out in tears in front of him, he might change his mind. But most likely it would just make her look like a fool, and make him go out to war feeling guilty. _

_She put on her Yamani mask, being extra careful to obey no expression whatsoever. _

_The Yamani mask did no good for Neal, who knew the only reason she used it was to be strong for him. She saw that awareness darken his face, and felt a twinge of guilt stir with her fear. _

_''Kel…'' _

_She cut him off. ''Neal, you're the best friend I ever had, and probably the best I ever will have,'' she said, the only show of emotion the twitch of her lip, '' I just want you to know that. _

_His face softened. ''You, too, Kel,'' he said. _

_''And I…''she began, attempting to admit that he was so much more than that to her, and failing. _

_''What?'' he asked. _

_''Never mind,'' she said automatically, before her mind could stop her, ''just keep safe. Promise me you'll keep safe.'' _

_''I will, Kel,'' he said, ''I promise I will.'' _

**OK, so I'm not sure if I should have added the aftermath of the battle, and the shock of what was between her and Neal from the others. I decided that would be too hard, and would be irrelevant to the theme of this story. If you think otherwise, review and tell me. I'm sorry for how long it took to update the story, but I just got back to middle school and… SO MUCH HOMEWORK. I worked really hard to get this out so please review. **


	7. Scenario 7 'I'm Ending This'

Scenario 7- ''I'm Ending This.''

''Kel...''

He used to say her name with so much love, so much tenderness, and now... He was saying it with anger and impatience.

What were they even fighting about this time?

The worst part was that Kel didn't even know. They were just fighting, as usual.

What happened to the best friend who understood her more than anything, instead of getting angry that he didn't? The lover that made her feel like she could touch the sky, instead of making her feel like she would only crash? The man who instantly brought a smile to her face, instead of a frown?

The perfect love, instead of this screwed-up heartache?

She didn't know the answer to those questions, either.

''What, Neal?''

She said his name not they way she normally would (the way that he said hers), but with exasperation and surrender at yet another one of their exhausting arguments. At their whole daunting relationship.

Her tone filled him with surprise and guilt. Kel never gave up, despite how daunting or challenging( mentally or physically) something was, was giving up on this argument. Because it was too daunting for even her to have to carry the burden of his foolish anger.

''I'm sorry...'' he began, reaching out for her.

She turned away from him.  
''Yeah and we didn't just fight.''

Her words were bitingly sarcastic and it hurt him. She must have learned that move from him, for he pulled it off on her too many times to count.

Just then he felt like she was somewhere thousands of miles away, even though she was right in front of him.

He had an aching, burning desire for them to be the lovers they used to be, instead of what they were now.

He put a hand on her shoulder, but she did nothing. Just look at the wall with that damn Yamani mask on her face.

''I'm sorry,'' he said again.

''Shut up, Neal,'' she said, the bitterness and anger strong in her tone.

''Dammit, Kel! What...''

''I said shut up Neal!'' she exclaimed, almost screaming, ''shut up!''

Such a reaction from Kel, calm-cool-and-collected Kel, the Lump, was something he had never seen before. It revealed just how much this relationship was tearing her up. It was tearing him up, too.

It was then they reached the point where they both had enough. When they both realized that it was never going to work out, that it was only going to ever be like this.

They both looked at each other with the same realization on their faces.

''I'm ending this,'' she whispered.  
Despite this realization in him, the realization that imbedded into his mind and heart, part of him still wanted to deny that. Part of him wanted to beg her to stay, to give their relationship a second chance.

That part was screaming inside of him, but he managed a tight nod.

She walked out quickly, being careful not to reveal her tear-stained face.

The door clicked when she shut it, and that click echoed painfully in her ripped-up heart.

The click echoed in Neal's heart, too. That click, that part of himself, the realization and all the memories of their love swirled together, slowly and painfully ripping his heart into shreds.

For about a month after their breakup, all they could think about was each other, and the memories of their relationship.

The memories either burned or soothed their aching hearts. The bad memories and the good memories hurt just as much during the daytime but at night... It made it easier for the good memories to come, and reliving made them harder to remember the bad memories and the gaping hole of the other person.

They were both walking dead for this time, and their friends were concerned for the both of them then. Raoul was ready to go up to Neal and teach him a lesson.

The ache over the loss of the relationship dulled over time, even though it seemed at the time like it never would.

And then they met their true loves.

For Neal, it was a Yamani blossom named Yuki.

She saw him crying over Kel on the stairwell. Despite all the Yamani teachings that emotion( especially emotion as profuse as his) was a weakness, Yuki was very sympathetic.

She listened to him and wiped the tears from his eyes, telling him that it wasn't his fault. That sometimes when a relationship ended, it was nobody's fault. Sometimes it just didn't work out and when that happened, it was just best to move on.

After that, he couldn't get her off of his mind and a month later, they began a relationship.

For Kel, it was Deagan. They had been placed on an assignment together, and they had instantly clicked.

He was like her in a lot of ways- loyal, kind, determined, a hard fighter, a believer in equal rights for all including commoners.

They were talking about something, both would forget when started to kiss her.

She had never experienced a kiss like his. It was fierce and gentle at the same time, passionate and loving. It ignited and awakened everything within her, turning her veins into fire and her heart into lightening. Not knowing how she felt it was a question but then it became an exclamation.

And from it she just knew it was right, and that she was never so sure about anything else before. It settled the doubts and the memories of Neal that prevented her from kissing him first.

It was a year later when they saw each other again. They were assigned on the same mission, after just taking leave for both of their weddings.

''Neal, is that you?'' she went up to him and asked, unsure that it was really him.

''Kel?'' he asked in response. He thought it was her but was hesitant to go up to her.

''I can't believe I'm seeing you again.''

''I know, especially after...'' He took a pause, not wanting to bring up the last time he had seen her when he was just seeing her again.

''Me, too,'' she said, not wanting to think about it.

''I'm glad I have found you, though,'' he said.

She smiled. ''Me, too. I'm sorry for...''

''I'm sorry, too.''

She hugged him, and he hugged back. For once the feelings that flowed between them were friendly, not angry or romantic.

This made them both realize how much they missed their best friend, and how long they both missed simply that. It also made them realize just how big a mistake becoming lovers was.

''Can we go back to just being friends?'' Neal asked, ''I think we were better that way.''

Kel nodded. ''Of course,'' she answered.

''And as my friend I'd like to invite you to my wedding this fall,'' he said.

''You're getting married?''

''Yes to the most beautiful Yamani blossom...''

Kel smiled. ''What's her name?''

''Yukimi. Yuki for short.''

''Oh I knew a Yuki back in the Yamani Islands. She was one of my best friends.''

''Really?''

Kel nodded.

''You haven't said whether you were coming or not,'' Neal realized.

''Oh I'll come,'' she said, ''on one condition.''

''What?''

''You come to mine.''

Neal smiled. ''Someone has tamed Kel....''

Kel smiled, too. ''Guess so, and somebody tamed Neal, too.''

Neal's smile grew. ''I'm glad we're friends again.''

**A new perspective in Telling Neal… I hoped you liked it. Personally I think Kel/Neal would have made a pretty good match, but I decided to explore if they weren't. Now normally I would have published the next chapter of my other story along with this one, however I got so caught up with this story that I only wrote about a page of the other one. Anyway, I'm not sure which scenario to write next. I'm debating on two. ''I Like Girls Like You Do'' which is about Kel admitting to Neal that she's a lesbian(I got this idea off of Mrs. Dom Masbolle's website), or ''I've Never Felt Like This in My Life'' which is about Kel telling Neal how out of all her relationships, the one with him feels the best and truest. If I get no input on this I will write ''I Like Girls Like You Do'' simply because I was originally planning to write it next. Long author's note, sorry. Just tell me what you think. **


	8. Scenario 8 'I Like Girls Like You Do'

**WARNING**: The following story is a femmeslash.

Scenario 8- ''…I Like Girl Like You Do.'' 

When Kel first opted to become a page, she thought she was normal( or at least she felt like that). But when she got older... Things changed. As in things changed, it wasn't just her body that changed. She grew up to like... girls. Not boys, like she expected to, but girls.

It took her longer to realize that, being around all boys. She never really thought that it meant anything that she liked none of them, or that by fourteen she had yet to develop her crush, she just thought that she was developing more slowly than most girls.

But when she developed her first crush... Well that's when she had to face the fact that she just didn't love like most girls did.

She bottled it up inside. She had no choice but to. She felt the dread as it grew and the relief as it faded.

The Yamanis were perfectly okay with that. Girls liking girls, and boys liking boys wasn't a big deal to them. She was taught that it was perfectly okay, too. But still being a girl who liked girls was incredibly strange...

Being one of them would be another thing against her in Tortall, too. Being a girl and a knight was a hard enough thing but being_ that_. No one would support her then( except her mother, maybe), not even her friends. She thought Neal might once but after the way he accused Joren of liking boys( and he was only_ just_ accusing)...

So she held it and kept it a secret. That was until her first sexual encounter.

_She was sick of having to pretend she was somebody that she wasn't. Sick of pretending that she didn't love Elisin of Wildmare, a Rider who was helping aid the refugee town she worked for. That day was almost unbearable, going past her and pretending she felt nothing for her. _

_Rumors soared that she was really having affairs with the men Riders and commoners, but if they knew the truth she knew they would think otherwise..._

_So she did what she usually never did- she went into a bar. She drank all of her recent troubled love life away until she couldn't think rationally anymore. And that was when her troubles began. _

_After that everything was a blur of bright colors and pleasure. A black-haired woman( whose name she didn't even know), breathless confusion, a sensation of lips on various parts of her body, clothes on the floor and... shameful things. _

She couldn't keep it in. The shame was too much to bear. It was not so much that she was a girl who liked girls ....but the fact that she was as much of a slut as they said. She couldn't even put the shame into words.

She wanted to hide who she was for convenience, and... if she was to be honest with herself, fear of being judged. But she couldn't hide who she was anymore, not if she didn't want that to happen again. She knew all of her repressed needs and identity was finally catching up with her.

So she went to the closest somebody that she would trust with her life.

''Neal, I have to tell you something,'' she said, biting her lip. She felt her stomach doing flip-flops.

''What?'' he asked, concerned at her obvious nervousness.

She wanted so badly to answer, ''Nothing'', or ''Never mind.'' _No, _she told herself, _you have to tell him this. He's your best friend. You've been keeping it long enough._

''You may not want to know,'' I said.

The concern grew on his face. ''Kel you did you...kill somebody or something?'' he asked.

''No,'' she answered, taken aback by his immediate assumption.

''Well, you're acting really... I don't know. But it's freaking me out,'' he said, and then his look changed to dawning horror, ''you aren't pregnant, are you?''

Kel flinched. Being who she was, she couldn't become pregnant unless she pretended she was...

''No,'' she said, and she watched his face show slight relief.

''What is it then?'' he asked.

Kel felt a lump in her throat, and her butterflies flapped in her stomach harder than ever.

''Last night, I lost my...um... virginity,'' she said, her cheeks flaming, her eyes on the ground, ''I think.''

His cheeks flamed red. ''And I need to know this... why?'' he asked, ''wait... what do you mean- you think? Losing your virginity's a pretty obvious thing.''

She felt her cheeks flame even more. ''I was drunk,'' she said, ''and now I'm feeling like the slut everyone's whispering me to be.''

She looked up, biting her lips to keep the tears out of her eyes.

''Oh, Kel...'' Neal began.

''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything,'' she said, feeling immense regret already and putting on her Yamani mask.

''No, when I told you I could tell you anything, I meant it,'' he said. He then sighed.

She lifted her head up.

''Kel, unless this is the type of thing you do repeatedly, you're not a slut,'' he said, ''you just made a mistake. It was with one of the refugee men, wasn't it? Oh shit, that could get you in trouble...''

''One of the refugee girls,'' Kel admitted.

His eyes grew wide, and once again Kel was filled with regret.

''No wonder you're so ashamed,'' Neal said.

''I didn't even know her name,'' Kel said.

''Well you were drunk so maybe that... Too bad you couldn't have saved that for a guy.''

Kel felt even more regret and shame at that. Neal had no idea( or he was in denial, he didn't want an idea...).

''That would be just as bad,'' Kel said, and suddenly Neal looked up at her incredulously.

''What do you mean?'' he asked, his eyes panicked. He was coming to the conclusion who she really was.

The lump in her throat grew bigger, at the fear that her worst fear was about to come true. At that moment- she wanted to say it was nothing, or never mind, that's not what she meant. He knew he would have accepted it, too, even if there was a part of him that knew it wasn't true.

But there was a fundamental part of her that couldn't( later she would wonder why that fundamental part didn't bust and confess earlier). She had to be brave.

''I guess there was a part of me succumbing when I gave up my virginity to her,'' she said, taking a deep breath before continuing( as she watched her friend's face turning to a look of horror and disgust), ''Neal... I like girls like you do.''

The look of horror and disgust remained, and she felt her insides drop. Part of her thought that Neal really was her best friend, and that being the way she was wouldn't change that. She was wrong.

''Oh Goddess,'' he breathed, when he regained speech again, ''I should have known. You're...'' She saw something like tears fill in his eyes.

She felt a wave of anger fill her. How could he betray her like that?

''I'm still the same person I was a couple minutes ago,'' she snapped, ''when you thought otherwise.''

His expression still remained, and she wanted to slap it off of his face.

''How could you?'' she asked him, noting no change, ''I guess I really couldn't tell you anything.''

She kept her Yamani face on, filling the urge to sob. She stared at him, her disappointment, anger, and hurt increasing as she did. When it rise so much that her Yamani mask was failing, she ran away.

_You knew this would happen_, she thought as she did.

She ran to a place where no one could see her, and sobbed.

The next day Neal avoided Kel. He needed time to think, and get used to what he just told her. He needed to wait and see if he could see Kel now without being repulsed.

Kel noticed this, and it stung. She couldn't even look at him, or think about even possibly telling anybody else. The fact that he betrayed her still rung through her mind, a deep, throbbing hurt.

Elisin didn't make matters easier. She made matters worse, and reminded Kel of who she was and how she was wasn't accepted. Kel avoided Elisin that day as much as she could.

It was on the third day that Neal really began to miss Kel. He tried to get as close to her as he could, see her as often as she could, but found that she wouldn't look at him if she could help it.

It was then that Neal realized how wrong his reaction had been. Maybe Kel was a girl who liked girls but she was still the same girl she had been all of his life. She had tried to tell him that but he didn't listen.

It was a silent, unspoken disgust that the majority of Tortallans felt over those who liked their own sex romantically. He had been around it all of his life, and so he had felt the same way. But had he actually met one of them?

There was a rumor that if he met a girl who liked a girl, he would simply know it. But he had known Kel and he didn't know that she was one of those girls.

Another rumor said that those who liked their own sex like that were immoral. But Kel immoral? You couldn't find a more incongruous word for her. She was one of the most chivalrous, moral people he had ever met.

It was then Neal came upon the conclusion that maybe he, and all those who were like him, was wrong. If that was so, that would mean that he just did something very stupid and regrettable. And if it were so that he never made up for it, he would be losing the best friend he could ever have just because he was being stupid, ignorant Meathead.

On the fourth day, he went up to Kel.

''Can we talk?'' he asked.

She didn't want to talk to him, but she was curious of what he was going to say( though part of her didn't want to know). That he would apologize for his actions she had completely given up on, Neal's reaction was so shocking.

But he did.

''Kel, I've been thinking...'' he began, ''I shouldn't have acted like that.''

''No, you shouldn't have,'' she said, her voice heartbreakingly distant.

He flinched. ''I really shouldn't have done that,'' he said, ''I'm sorry.''

She looked away.

''Kel, it was a shock, I didn't know what to do,'' he said, ''It's the last thing I expected you to tell me….''

After no response, he said. ''It was still wrong, though. And I'm so sorry. I can't believe I risked losing a friend just because I was being stupid and conservative.''

Kel turned and looked at Neal. Her Yamani mask was replaced by a look of hurt and Neal's guilt heightened.

''You said I could tell you anything,'' she said.

''I know,'' he said, ''and I meant it. I still do. But when you tell me big secrets like that... you couldn't expect me to be completely understanding and normal about it at first. Kel, you're my best friend now and the best friend I ever had. Being... a girl who likes girls won't change that.''

She then did the last thing she expected him to do. She hugged him.

''Really?'' she asked.

''Really,'' he answered.

In the months to come, she came to find the strength to tell her family members and other friends. In the years to come, she even found the strength to announce it publicly. She even had two lovers before....

Elisin of Wildmare entered her life once more. Years before, her Rider group had been reassigned, causing for Kel to never see her again. Kel almost forgot the full effect of Elisin on herself.

But when Elisin came back into her life, so did all the old feelings she had for her. They became good friends, since Kel no longer forced herself to keep her distance from her.

One day, when they were alone Elisin admitted the two secrets she had been keeping for years, too.

''Kel,'' she said, ''I'm like you. I'm a girl who likes a girl, too, and I like you.''

**Okay, one of my longer scenarios... I had a couple of issues with it, and if you did too I would like to know! One of my reviewers asked if I hated Neal/ Kel. I don't, but from the scenarios I had so far I understood how that conclusion was made. I appreciate it very much, Elvensmith, so thank you for giving it. You, along with all of my reviewers are totally awesome so totally keep it up guys! I'll update this, and In Her Darkest Hour ASAP!**


	9. Scenerio 9 'You're the Best Thing'

Scenario 9- ''You're the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me''

Kel looked at the man in front of her and couldn't help but have a huge grin plastered onto her face. Even if he was the worst dancer in Tortall, he was still hers. The feeling of his hands on her hips made her feel tingly in a way that no man had before.

He stepped on her foot.

''Sorry.''

His apology was awkward ( even though he had apologized for the offense many times before), along with his feet.

She laughed. ''It's okay, Meathead,'' she said, making sure to emphasize in her tone how used to it she was.

He caught onto it and mock-frowned. ''A man has his pride, Kel,'' he said, pretending to be hurt.

Kel rolled her eyes. ''And you have no dancing skills whatsoever,'' she said, smiling.

Seeing her smile, he could keep up the hurt masquerade no longer. Her smile made him melt, and made him clumsier. It also made a huge smile appear on his face.

''Will you love me anyway?'' he asked, his smile so deep that it reached deep into his voice.

Her smile increased( therefore his did, too). ''Of course,'' she answered. She couldn't find the words to describe her love to him. It was pure and complete and unconditional, it was beautiful and like nothing she had ever felt before.

The smile slowly slid off of both of their faces, into a look full of passion and yearning. The song ended and instead of giving her up to the next dancer, he kissed her.

His kiss was long and sweet and passionate. He put as much of the love he could in that kiss. In return, she did the same. They pulled away, breathless, not noticing those around them staring at her.

They danced with some others but were only able to think of each other. Each was counting down the time until they were in each other's arms again. Dancing with Dom, she knew that's what he was thinking about his fiancé, Yuki.

They both shared the same memory on the fourth dance, the one where they first realized their feelings for each other:

_Kel was fighting and Neal was on the field. Then all the sudden.... An arrow hit her in the chest. _

_ Kel remembered the pain of it plunging into her chest and slowly losing consciousness(but nothing after that). Neal remembered the pain of seeing her bleeding, pale, dying body. _

_ He remembered running to her urgently, panic running through his veins at lightening speed. The thought, _she can't die_, was the only thing running through his head. He could barely get his thoughts together enough to remember how to heal. But that thought was the only thing that pushed him to do it, ironically. _

She can't die, she can't die, she can't die, SHE CAN'T DIE.

_He healed her the best he could, and after that even she wouldn't wake up for a long time. It was a black memory for him remembering that time, the agony and fear that gripped his gut and mind at seeing her in the state she was in. He couldn't be anywhere then but by her side, consumed with his whirlwind of bad emotions. _

_ That was when his relationship with Yuki fell apart. They were having problems in their relationship before but Kel's condition was when it finally fell apart. Yuki cared about Kel, and was upset about her. However, as a Yamani, she became annoyed at such an obvious display of emotion, which she considered weakness. Neal sensed this and it created a wall in their relationship that they couldn't get over. _

_ Neal didn't like remembering those memories. He liked to remember the memories that happened a month later. That's when she woke up, and got better. _

_ When he first found out she was conscious, he kissed her so hard and passionately with a depth in his heart for her he didn't even know existed. _

_ Kel remembered feeling the shock and pleasure at his kiss. She had been holding in her feelings for him for a long time, and they came rushing out then. His kiss was so much better than what she had imagined- pure and beautiful and... with an element indescribable and that neither of them ever felt before. _

_ And they had loved each other ever since, in a way they had never loved another. _

The ball ended eventually, much the relief of both of them. Neither of them liked them much (except for when they were with each other). They were tiring and strenuous and tedious.

''I'm glad it's finally over,'' Neal said to her afterwards when he caught up to her, ''all those girls kept complaining to me how horrible of a dancer I was.''

''Well, Neal, your dancing skills aren't the best…'' Kel deadpanned.

''Hey!'' he exclaimed, pretending to be deeply offended.

Kel slowly let a smile creep on her face. ''My dancing skills aren't the best, either,'' she offered.

''Has any guy complained to you about stepping on their toes, though?'' he said.

''Uh-oh, how many girls complained to you about that?''

''Six.'' He admitted this, pretending to be embarrassed (though it was hard for him to be embarrassed about something he had done so often before).

''And how many girls did you dance with?''

''Seven.''

She rolled her eyes and laughed. ''I'm surprised it wasn't worse,'' she said.

Neal mock-frowned again. ''You mean you're surprised that I didn't step on all of their feet?'' he asked.

''Basically,'' she said.

''Kel, I'm not that bad!'' he exclaimed, pretending to be offended.

Kel made a face. ''Yes, you are,'' she said.

''Okay, maybe I am,'' he said, with the smile that he had been holding in beginning to show.

Kel let herself begin to smile, too. ''That's more like it,'' she said.

Then they let themselves fully beam and then laugh uncontrollably.

Then they shared that look again, the look that they shared on the dance floor right before they kissed.

And then they kissed again, this time harder and longer.

This time they were both breathless, and panting. Still they smiled at each other, that silly, lovesick smile that they reserved only for each other.

''I love you,'' Kel said.

''I love you, too, Kel,'' he said.

Kel's face went grave with seriousness. ''Neal,'' she said, ''you're the best thing that ever happened to me.''

His smile extended. ''You, too,'' he said, ''you're the best thing that ever happened to me, too.''

All next day they all got smirks, whistles and eyebrows raised for their display at the ball( especially Kel for that was more out of character for her to do than Neal).

Normally Kel would have cared. She hated kissing in public, and would have told off another lover off for it but Neal… It somehow felt right.

And she normally would have gotten annoyed after the millionth whistle, and said something, but all she could do was smile. Because then that would require her to remember the night before, and afterwards, and she couldn't be annoyed with remembering that. She was the lovesick fool she swore she'd never be.

Because he was the best thing that every happened to her.

And Neal... well, instead of saying anything sarcastic or absurd as his former self would have done. Instead he just smiled, knowing that they had never felt a love like his and pitying them for it.

Because she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Because they were the best thing that ever happened to each other, and because of that they could handle everything.

And with that knowledge, they couldn't wait to see each other next.

**Sorry- this was super lame. I thought I'd be better at this but maybe I do hold a hidden K/N resentment... Hope my other future K/Ns are better.... **

**Anyway, I have this idea( that I posted on my profile) that involves Koni from Scenario 2. Basically the narration of her life, what it's like to have Neal as her father, all the firsts in her life, etc. A lighter fic than these past ones, basically. This won't be coming up for a while, though, since two fics at a time are hard enough to juggle. But I thought I should let you know anyway. **

**Oh and I just got an account on fictionpress also called theweirdworder. I only have one story posted up but please check it out and tell me what you think. **

**And that's it... Please review anyway( even if to affirm how lame it is) and I'll update( a better one) as soon as I can. **


	10. Scenario 10'I'm Dying'

Scenario 10- ''I'm Dying. ''

Kel fought for almost two decades. She was hailed as one of the best out there, despite the fact that she was a girl. She became the first girl commander of the King's Own, after her beloved friend( and second father), Raoul, retired. The King's Own shined under her leadership.

During that time, she watched her best friend marry a woman he obviously, truly loved, wishing that one day she had a man who would love her like that. Because of that, she became an aunt and a godmother.

She gave her first time away (along with a couple of other things) to try to save a relationship that was doomed from the start. In that relationship, she became somebody she was proud of(and somebody who wasn't like her at all) and did some pretty stupid things because of that. One of those stupid things was have sex with him without a charm. She got pregnant because of that, and found out after she realized the truth of the relationship she was in, after he was gone.

It didn't seem like it at first, but that baby was the best thing that happened to her. She was the most beautiful thing that Kel had ever seen, with her inquisitive hazel eyes( that mirrored Kel's own), her full head of her father's black hair and that trusting gaze that melted Kel's heart. When Kel saw her, she knew that her worries from the past months were pointless and that somehow it was going to be okay. Kel named her after her mother, because of all the never-ending support and wisdom she ever gave Kel.

Despite what Kel thought, she was able to go back into battle. Her best friend's wife agreed to watch little Ilane, along with her other children, while she was gone. And it was at battle sometime, that Kel contracted it.

Battle Fever was the product of healers healing many patients at once. The infection and injuries of the wounded spread to the insides of the healer who was trying to heal it. Sometimes the healer became sick with that disease, but more often the healer was just a carrier and passed it onto the next person he/she healed. The symptoms were felt years later when the disease spread through the bloodstream and internal organs too far and too solid to treat. What followed next was a slow and painful death.

That year, it was a phenomenon that was becoming all too familiar to Tortall and those who fought for her.

Neal, as all those who healed, got tested to see if he was carrying the illness, and tested negative.

But weeks later, Kel started to exhibit some strange symptoms of... something. Frequently, she got a sore throat and headaches. She lost her appetite, and started to lose weight at an alarming rate. The exercises she had exhausted her much more than usual, and after them she found that she could barely move- and even walking, she found that she was gasping for breath. Sometimes she simply woke up exhausted, and often with the bed soaked with sweat. A simple hug from little Ilane left her body severely bruised.

She went to the healer that was assigned to the barracks when the symptoms became overwhelming. He examined her. When he was done, she could see the pained expression on his face, though she pretended not to.

''What is it?'' she asked, her voice calm.

He took a painful intake of breath. ''You have Battle Fever,'' he said, ''I'm sorry. You're dying. You have about a month to live.''

The first thing that Kel thought about when she was told this was her daughter. How she would never be able to see her off when she left to become a page, or when she entered the Chamber to become a knight. How she would never be there when her daughter needed womanly advice. How she wouldn't be there at all. How her daughter, the everlasting light of her life, wouldn't be in her next life to come- how dying meant giving her up.

The second thing she thought about was her family and friends. Dying meant the sacrifice of their presences, too. It meant the loss of Neal's witty comments, her mother's sound advice and hugs, their love... And so, so, so much more. How was she going to tell them?

The third and final thing she thought of was her knighthood. She thought of hard she won her shield and now how she was going to give it up. She thought of how much she loved what she did, despite of how hard and gritty and morbid it could be. She would never do that again. And all those people she could have helped but now never would...

She didn't want this healer to see her break down. She didn't say anything until she felt she could get herself under control, and successfully put on her Yamani mask.

''Okay,'' she said, nodding, ''thank you.''

She saw a look of pity on the healer's face, but the healer said no more. She got up and walked out of the room, feeling the heavy weight of her death to come press upon her.

She let herself wander thoughtlessly, and somehow she found herself knocking on Neal's door. She didn't know what it was that made her go there- she thought she had just wanted to be alone- but somehow she ended up there. Maybe it was something inside of her that remembered how he comforted her when she told him she was pregnant with Ilane, and craved that comfort for this.

When she registered where she was and what she was doing, she swore at least she'd be strong. He'll need it, she told herself. She knew he loved her not only as a best friend but like a second sister, so he'd be crushed when she told him she was dying.

She couldn't even do that. When he opened the door, she found herself sobbing in his arms.

Neal wore an expression of shock and concern, as he held her and silently comforted her. She had only done this once before, when she found out she was pregnant with Ilane.

''What's wrong?'' he asked her, the alarm evident in his voice, ''are you pregnant again?''

''No,'' she said, still sobbing, ''worse.''

The pain inside of her was consuming her, and she could not stop crying.

''What is it?'' he asked, his voice filled with concern laced with fear.

''I'm dying,'' she sobbed, ''I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying.''

''What?'' he said, taken aback, ''literally?''

She nodded. ''I have Battle Fever,'' she said, ''the healer only gave me a month.''

Looking back, Neal wished he could have stayed strong, but he didn't.

His face fell and he shook his head. ''No, no, no!'' he exclaimed, ''that can't happen! That...no... There must have been a mistake.''

''I don't think so, Neal,'' she whispered, so low that he could barely hear her, ''I've been feeling…different lately.''

''Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have…'' The word choked on Neal's tongue.

Kel turned away and when he grabbed her hand.

It wasn't hard, or rough. It was gentle, and comforting, and pleading, or at least it was meant to be. But somehow, it produced bruises anyway. Upon seeing it, Neal's blood chilled with fear and horror.

''What…'' he began, his eyes conveying his emotions.

Kel returned him a look filled with more fear than his.

And then she asked him the same question she asked him when she last came to him for help.

''What should I do?''

Her voice was even more helpless than the last time.

They checked her a second time, and once again they found it was Battle Fever. The realization of this had already sunk in for Kel, so it only stung a bit when she was told for the second time that she had Battle Fever.

But for Neal it was devastating. It was his last hope crashing in, and the stark realization that his days with Kel were numbered. He had never thought it could happen- to them, she was always invincible to that kind of thing. He looked for something that could let him keep up his denial and he found nothing.

He could barely watch her resign from her post, and then the look on her face... The moment in time where she took off her mask, even if it was only for less than a second, her face was so filled with pain that it broke the already-shattered pieces of his heart.

He went with her to Mindelan. She asked him to tell her parents if she couldn't, and try to help her so that she could. She asked him how she could tell her other friends, and her daughter, and Raoul. And she asked him if she was asking too much, and she told him that he didn't have to do those things if he couldn't.

He didn't know how to speak it aloud, because he could barely even think it. He didn't know how to tell their other friends- there wasn't a way that could diminish its horribleness, or their friends' reaction to it.

He wrote to Yuki, and told her to bring Ilane and their children to Mindelan as soon as he could. Knowing about the Yamani way of not portraying emotion, he made sure not to let any of the tears in his eyes fall on the letter.

By the time they reached Mindelan, Kel's Battle Fever was obvious. She woke up in the middle of nights with hacking coughs of blood. Her skin were pale and her eyes showed heavy purple bruises. Watching her wither in front of his eyes frightened him and saddened him, and it pushed him to Mindelan even more.

She didn't cry anymore after she told him. She didn't cry when she told her parents, just looked incredibly sad. She didn't cry when she woke up in the middle of the nights coughing blood and vomiting so hard her body shook, just grimaced in pain so anguished it wrung Neal's heart.

Kel could see the pain she was causing to Neal and her parents, and it hurt her even more than the Battle Fever did. It was the motivation that made her fight it.

When Yuki and the children came, she didn't know if she could handle telling both her godschildren and daughter, and still stay strong So it was Neal who told them that Kel was dying.

Kel tried to tell her daughter as nicely as possible. But there was no nice way to break that kind of news. Kel tried to make the conversation normal- what had happened at Yuki's while she was gone, what pagehood, squirehood and knighthood was like (Ilane was considering becoming one), among other things. And then…

''You look pale, Mama, and tired,'' she said, her brown-hazel concerned, ''are you all right?''

Kel felt nervousness and sadness wrack her. She barely could keep up her demeanor, and since saying something would break it, she said nothing.

''You should really go to a healer,'' she said, giving her a second look.

Never was keeping up her Yamani mask as hard as when she finally confessed her disease.

''I did,'' she began.

''Your body resists to the healings now?'' Ilane asked, her face now also filling with sympathy.

''Yes,'' she hedged, ''but...''

''What?'' Ilane asked, seeing the apprehension on her mother's face.

''The healer's couldn't heal this, on anybody, not just me,'' she whispered, her voice a sad whisper.

Ilane's face scrunched up in worry and confusion. She opened her mouth to say something but Kel shook her head.

''I have Battle Fever,'' she said, ''and a month to live.''

''What?'' Ilane whispered, a panicked look setting on her face, ''no. How?''

''You know how, honey,'' she said, ''I was a knight. I got hit at battle and I was healed and...''

''No!'' Ilane's anguished screech cut her off.

''No! No! NO!'' Each time she repeated it, it got louder and more anguished.

With each ''No!'' the reality started to set in, slowly, agonizingly and excruciatingly.

And then she screamed a scream so loud and penetrating that it could be heard throughout the entire household, piercing through Kel's heart.

Somehow, somehow, she found a way to tell everybody else. She made it sound like it was just another visit though it wasn't.

Telling Raoul was one of the harder ones. She was talking and smiling when one of her fits hit her. Her body shook, her nose bled and she couldn't help hacking up a bucketful of blood.

Neal got to her immediately with the bucket, and patted her back as she coughed and the older Ilane hurriedly got her granddaughter out of the room before she could see Kel in such a state. Kel grimaced when she was done, and Yuki gave Kel a towel with a Yamani- mask expression.

''You should go to the healers, Kel,'' Raoul said, his eyes wide with shock and worry. The suspicion of what he had shone in his eyes and with it was a hope that he was wrong.

That was how Kel was forced to tell Raoul, in a similar fashion that she had to tell her daughter. He reacted similarly as she did.

Slowly, Kel's friends and family watched her waste away. They tried to spend every minute with her as they could. Kel tried, too, ignoring the drowsiness and pain that made her body feel like she was made out of lead.

They tried to stay strong, too, for her. Sometimes Kel could hear them sob before or after they came in, outside her room, and every time she heard it a piece of her heart died. It wasn't the disease that got to her but how the effects of it hurt those she loved.

Little Ilane was curious about pagehood and knighthood, and asked many questions, of which Kel answered with a smile.

She asked about other things to- about love, about growing up, about friendship, about kindness and knowing what the right thing to do was.

''Follow your heart, Ilane,'' Kel answered, during one especially heavy day of questioning, ''always follow your heart, and don't let anyone convince you not to. Unless, of course, your heart or being might be in jeopardy because of that. Then follow your head.

''And if your brain and heart are too hard to read- which happens- ask your grandmother for advice.''

Ilane nodded and tried not to cry, trying to absorb those words for when her mother wouldn't be around to give them.

One morning, about two months after her diagnosis, Kel didn't have the strength to get out of bed, and never would again. Four months after that, she would mostly lose the strength to talk too, and could barely utter a few words per day.

Each time the reality of Kel's imminent death became more and more real. Its press upon them was suffocating, and each time it caused an abundance of tears to be shed.

It was those tears that made Kel go past the month mark she was supposed to, fight to stay among them and postpone the day when the reality would crush them most of all. She wouldn't go down without a fight, they would all say later, that lady knight never did go down without a fight.

But as the time came closer and closer, it became clearer that there was something stronger than Kel after all(despite what her old page friends used to think). She was almost a living corpse, and the state she was reduced to was heart-wrenching. Pain wracked her so hard and so completely that she would have wished for death, if not for the pain that would cause her loved ones.

The state of her got so bad that some of her family argued to let her die.

''She's too good of a person to be put through this,'' one side, among them Piers, Kel's siblings, Yuki and Tobe.

''She still has a few months to go. She can't go yet,'' the other side, among them Neal, Ilane Senior, Ilane Junior, Raoul and Kel's old page friends.

Sometimes Ilane and Piers fought violently, forgetting that Kel was right across the hall. Their words, and the fact that she was the cause of it, tore Kel apart.

So she fought for another month. By the time that month was over, it was a struggle for her just to breathe. By that time, Raoul, Ilane Senior and all of Kel's page friends except for Owen, now believed that Kel should be allowed to die.

Neal and Ilane Junior were the only ones at that point who still couldn't let Kel go.

''Hold on for me, Kel,'' Neal would whisper to her. That was enough for her to hold on.

The older Ilane worked with the younger Ilane in an attempt for her to change her mind. As the younger Ilane saw the points that her grandmother made about her mother, she agreed and told Kel, sobbing, that she could die.  
It was only Neal that wouldn't go.

''Neal, you shouldn't put her through this,'' Owen told him, ''it's wrong, and it's selfish. She doesn't deserve this much pain- she deserves to be happy and in peace in the Peaceful Realms. I know it's hard Neal but let her go.''

It was one night, when Kel was sleeping, Neal changed his mind. He could hear her breathe deep, shaky, forced breaths. When came closer to her he could see the purple-black rings under her eyes, the paleness of her skin, the expression of pure pain on her features even as she was sleeping.

The woman sleeping was not the Kel he grew up with-the Kel who turned a blank Yamani mask at the cruel jokes thrown at her, the Kel who defeated the Nothing Man, the Kel who fought with pure skill and strength. She was a broken shell of a beautiful woman, a pained and forced existence. And it finally sunk in that she was going to die, there was no way in getting her back, and that she was only pain now.

He went out of the room she was in, and sobbed all of the tears that he had.

The next night he went in and told her he could go.

She forced a sad smile. ''I'm sorry, Neal.''

''You shouldn't be, it's not your fault,'' he whispered, his voice shaky from sadness.

Her sad smile increased.

Somehow, a tear escaped his eye( even though he thought he cried them all). Despite the effort it took, she found the strength to wipe it off.

''Goodbye, Neal,'' she whispered.

''Goodbye, Kel.''

And for the last time, he hugged her as hard as he could. Then he left the room.

The next morning, when he went up to check on her, she did not greet him as she usually did. Her eyes were closed, and she did not move when he shook her.

**Sad, sad fic, even for me. Kel's my favorite character.... never will write a fic like this again. In terms of writing, I do not think I was long enough and that its forced condensement ruined it. For those of you who care, Battle Fever is a combination of leukemia and AIDS. **


	11. Scenario 11 'I'm Pregnant'

Scenario 11- ''I'm Pregnant.'' 

So she was...

It was a weird acknowledgement. They had agreed to go off of the charm, but to not try for a child. That whatever the Great Mother Goddess willed would be okay with them.

And the Great Mother Goddess willed for a child.

At thirty-one, she was most certainly old enough to have one( or maybe even too old). Certainly responsible enough to have one. Maybe even wise enough to know what to do, and act, and say.

But what if she wasn't? What if she would irrevocably mess up this child because of her failure to be a good mother to it? What if it was only after she had the baby she realized it had all been a mistake?

Well, Tobe was like a son to her, at least. And he wasn't irrevocably messed up. He had become a Rider, and had a very successful standing there. But would that prove to be quite the same thing?

And how exactly was she going to tell Neal? How would he react?

The questions and unknown answers to them were starting to give her a headache and making her feel even worse.

She decided to go riding to ease her nerves, but throughout the whole ride, all she could think of was the baby.

_ Maybe I shouldn't even be riding if I'm pregnant. _That was a new thought, but she decided that if she went off Hoshi her nerves would eat her up.

_Should I tell somebody?_ she asked herself. _Probably, she answered for herself, Neal, especially, though she didn't know if she could._

As she rode more and more, she realized that she had to tell somebody, and that realization moved inside of her the rest of the ride. She would have to face up to her decisions, but she had done that so many times in her past. Why should this time be any harder?

And everything would work out anyway. Right?

Right.

While she was leading her horse back to the stables, her friend Dom came up to her.

''You'll never believe what I heard...'' he began, his blue eyes glistening with suppressed news.

And somehow her own news filled her then, consumed her and took over her.

She meant to say ''what?''. However somehow her own news tumbled out from her.

''I'mpregnant,'' she said quickly.

Despite how fast the news came out though, Dom heard anyway.

''Wow, um... congratulations, Kel,'' Dom said, his facial expression changing when he saw Kel's face.

''Are you okay?'' he said.

''I think so...'' The expression on Kel's face grew worse.

''The baby's Neal's, right?'' Dom's face grew slightly panicked at the idea that Kel could be cheating on his cousin.

''Yes.''

''Positive?''

Kel frowned at Dom's lack of confidence in her fidelity. ''Yes.''

''Was it an accident?'' Dom asked awkwardly, looking away from her.

''Not...exactly...''

Dom's eyebrows shot up, and he immediately stared at the ground, his cheeks flaming.

''I'm just a little nervous to be a mother...'' she said.

Dom's head jerked up, and he put his hand on her shoulder. ''You'll do fine,'' he said, with a smile, ''probably more than fine.''

''Thanks,'' she said, forcing a smile, ''I should probably be putting Hoshi back now...''

''Wait, '' he called, as she started walking, ''you should probably tell Neal.''

So Dom was the second person who realized that she had to tell Neal. For some bizarre reason, she was nervous to tell him. The greater part of her knew what would happen- Neal would be shocked at first, deflate his shock with some sarcastic remark, but he'd be around to reassure and be there for her. He might even marry her.

Marry her? Whoa. Was she ready for that?

_ Well the child doesn't deserve to be a bastard... _

All of this was so complicated, but she knew she could sort through it with Neal by her side.

She went into the barracks, and all the knights stared at her.

''I'm here to find Neal,'' Kel said, answering the questions in their eyes.

A couple knights' eyebrows went up, and to that, Kel rolled her eyes. This reaction would have been deserved a couple months ago when Kel and Neal were... Setting themselves up to conceiving this baby.

''He's not here, sweet,'' one said.

''Do any of you have any idea where I could find him?''

They all shook their heads.

''Thank you,'' she said half-heartedly.

''Wait,'' one said, ''I think he's healing one of the commoners uptown.''

''Thank you,'' Kel said, her heart beating faster with the realization that she would have to tell Neal soon.

She headed out of the barracks, and began to walk uptown, where Neal supposedly was. About halfway, she chickened out.

_Maybe I'll wait until the day's over and he comes to see me, _she thought, part of her internally sighing with relief.

But, as fate would have it, Neal came walking up the path right then, towards her.

''Kel,'' he said, his green eyes lighting up as they always did when his eyes found her.

''Hi, Neal,'' she said, forcing a smile that was an internal grimace.

Neal caught it immediately.

''What's wrong?'' he asked.

Kel put on the Yamani mask she hadn't put on in a long time, fearing that if she didn't her real emotions might slip out. ''Nothing,'' she lied, even though she had sworn she was going to tell him.

''Kel, I know something's wrong,'' he said. He put his hand on her shoulder. ''You can tell me.''

Kel smiled then, knowing full well that she could. Everything would be okay, she knew.

''Not wrong, exactly,'' she said, looking down and wringing her hands, ''just… confusing, scary, nerve-wracking…''

''What?'' he asked.

''Um… I'm…'' Kel's heart was beating so hard she swore it would pop out of her chest. For a moment, she swore her vision darkened.

''It's all right,'' Neal said, his voice softening, though inside he was deeply concerned over what made Kel react so strongly, ''I love you. Whatever it is, it's okay.''

Kel took a deep breath, forcing her words to be audible and clear( unlike when she told Dom).

''All right, I'm…''

''You're…''

''I'm pregnant.''

Neal's eyes bulged, and then he fainted.

**I had originally planned for this news to be more devastating, and for this pregnancy to have been an accident. However, I figured that you've had enough heavy stuff with the previous scenario, so I wanted to make this a bit lighter. Please tell me whether or not that decision was a wrong one. For the curious, the next scenario will be ''...I Want You Back.'' Also, I am kind of writing another fanfic, but I will not be posting it because I don't want another thing to be holding back updates(or to have another fanfic have super-long waits). Please review this one though and I will try, as usual, to update ASAP. **


	12. Scenario 12'I Want You Back'

Scenario 12- ''...I Want You Back.''

She couldn't believe she let one stupid fight get in the middle of everything they had. Their fight consumed her mind and heart. She would replay it night and day, and all she could think about was him.

She tried to get on with her tasks. She tried not to think about him. This, however, was an impossible task. His face filled her mind, and she couldn't shut it out.

Her friends noticed her. They noticed him, too. They didn't know what to do, or what to say, because most of her friends were his friends, too. And her friends just wanted them to be happy again, since they so obviously weren't at the moment. They were only truly, completely happy it seemed, and now that they weren't together anymore.

''If he makes you happy, Kel, then why aren't you still with him?'' one of their friends, Owen, asked.

Of course he would say this. While Owen's heart was one of the purest she knew, he wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Also, he could only see things in black and white, so the complexity of Kel and Neal's relationship was lost on him.

Really, though, Kel found that Owen was right. It was as simple as he thought it was. It was only her pride that was keeping her back. With love though, there was no pride; you lost your pride when you fell in love with someone.

As she was about to tell him that she still loved him, she saw him with another girl.

She was a beautiful blonde court lady. Fair, blue-eyed, buxom and everything the opposite of what Kel ever was or ever could be. She giggled as Neal told her something. _Probably one of his sarcasms_, Kel thought, and with an aching heart she realized that they used to make her laugh too.

Kel ran before he could see her, and that night she cried herself to sleep.

Then, one day, Faleron came up to her and admitted that he had had feelings for her for a long time. He told her that the only reason that he hadn't told her sooner was because of Neal, but that maybe she was over him and into Faleron?

Kel figured that she at least ought to give him a chance, if she couldn't have Neal so she lied and said she loved him back.

That night she couldn't sleep, her mind was racked with guilt. She didn't know what she was thinking then- it was so out-of-character to try a motive so selfish, and to decide on it without thinking about it first. She decided that she'd tell him that she changed her mind, and that she wasn't over Neal yet.

The next day, though, he brought flowers to her and told her how much he loved her. It wrung her heart so much that she didn't know how to deny him.

She tried to make herself love him, with no avail. When he tried to kiss her, she finally broke. ''Maybe I'm not ready yet, Faleron,'' she admitted, ''not after Neal....'' The expression on her friend's face broke her heart, but she ran out on him anyway.

It was then that she decided to talk to Neal. If they weren't going to be lovers, they at least had to be lovers. Their separation was killing her.

So, with her heart thrumming crazily in her, she knocked on his door.

It took three knocks for him to answer the door. With each one, her stomach dropped a little.

Finally, he answered.

Keeping a Yamani mask was never so hard. Just to see his face made her throb and yearn all over again.

''We need to talk,'' she said.

''Yes,'' he said, some emotion she couldn't identify shining in his eyes.

Was it hurt? Scorn? Confusion? Heartbreak? Yearning? Kel was horrified to find that she didn't know anymore; she used to be able to read his emotions instantly.

For a moment, she couldn't speak. All she could do was stare into his eyes. Finally she recognized the expression on his face and her Yamani mask slid off.

''Kel,'' he asked her, the look vanishing to be replaced by concern, ''are you all right? You look a little sick.''

She forced a smile. ''I'm fine,'' she said.

Another moment was spent in crushing silence.

''Neal,'' she began, her insides shaking with nervousness, ''I miss you. I miss you so much. And I... I want you back.''

She mistook Neal's gaping jaw as a sign that he didn't feel the same, so she went on.

''I still love you as...'' she couldn't bring herself to say the word so she went on, ''but I know you've found someone else, but... If we can't be lovers, then I still want to be friends. When we told each other that we both loved each other, we said that if it didn't work out...''

''I know,'' Neal said, his face grim.

''I...''

It was then that Neal reached out and kissed her. He kissed her as hard and vigorously as he could, and she kissed him back. At that moment they couldn't get enough of each other. Eventually they had to pull apart for air, but even that was unwilling.

''I missed you, too,'' Neal said, panting, ''I missed you so damn much.''

''What about that court lady?'' Kel asked.

Neal shook his head. ''It was only for a night,'' he said, ''She wanted a longer relationship with me but I... I couldn't do it. All I could think of was you, but I didn't know how to approach you. Wait... what about you and Faleron?''

Kel hung her head. ''He told me he loved me, and I gave him a try but when he kissed me, I only saw you. I told him I couldn't do it.''

Neal nodded. ''Okay.''

''I'm sorry,'' she said.

''For what?''

''For fighting with you, for calling off our relationship....''

He silenced her with another kiss. ''The fight was my fault,'' he said, ''I was being stupid…''

''No I was, I broke up with just because…''

''I let you go, and I let us go all of these months….''

''I did, too.''

''But you came back here now.''

''Yes, thank the gods.''

''Thank the gods.''

This time it was she who reached out and kissed him. He kissed back, and began to unbutton her shirt. Smiling she began to unbutton his.

''A charm?'' Kel asked.

For a moment, Neal was at a loss but after swimming around the house, he found one.

''Haven't had to use one in such a long time,'' he explained, his green eyes twinkling as he put it over her head.

She nodded, and her smile increased.

Soon enough, they landed on his bed, their bodies creeping under the covers.

''We're never letting another fight get between us again,'' Kel whispered afterward, her voice breathless.

''No,'' Neal said, his breath hot against her neck, ''definitely not.''

Then she nestled against him, and lay her head on his chest. As she did, she breathed in the scent of him, never wanting to forget it. That was the last thing she remembered before she fell asleep.

The next day, they openly expressed their relationship, holding hands and smiling at each other.

There were some whistles and some eyebrows and the following was generally said:

''Hmm… I wondered what _they _were doing last night.''

''Look! Meathead and Mindelan!''

''Didn't Neal hit lucky? Kel, of all people!''

''It's so sweet to see them together again.''

Kel and Neal didn't care, though. It was such a relief for them to be together again. And, for the most part, most people didn't care either- they thought Kel and Neal made a good pair and they were happy to see them together again.

However, there was some redhead lost in the crowd. He didn't say a word; he just watched them through hurt and jealous eyes. He felt like Kel had not too long ago, and more. As Kel and Neal came nearer to him, he walked out of the building.

**Sooo… I finished this ahead of schedule surprisingly. That almost never happens. However, I guess being subjected to the Superbowl does this to a person. This isn't my best by far; plus, the beginning was extremely boring, I know. I'm sorry, I hope the next one will be better. As usual, I will try to update as soon as possible. In Her Darkest Hour is coming along well; the upcoming chapter containing a twist… Same applies for that. I should probably finish this with how awesome my fans are- you guys are the reason I keep writing!**


	13. Scenario13'Dom & I are Getting Married'

Scenario 13- ''Dom and I Are Getting Married.''

Seeing Kel made Neal's heart skip a beat and break a little at the same time.

She was the most magnificent, amazing, beautiful thing he had ever seen. For the first time, he knew that he was really in love and not simply infatuated. He really loved her, but he knew she didn't love him back. Instead she loved his cousin.

He didn't complain, though. Dom treated her like she was the most precious jewel on the earth (which was what she was in Neal's eyes). He made her happy, and brought out parts of her that Neal hadn't seen in a long time. In turn, she did the same to Dom. Kel and Dom were two people that he loved very much, and he was happy for the both of them.

He was jealous, too, though. Whenever he saw Dom make her smile, Neal wished with all of his heart that it could have been him. His bleeding heart kept him up countless nights.

He wondered whether each of those bouts of heartbreak whether he should confess his true feelings for her. Each time he decided that he absolutely should not. Perhaps he could have before she fell for his cousin.

But no, she probably wouldn't have returned his feelings. She probably felt them for Dom all along. It would have hurt him even more to hear her say it aloud.

What he didn't know was that he was going to have to hear it anyway, despite how much it pained him to.

Kel came knocking at his door one day, blissfully unaware of the pain she was about to give him. Her eyes were shining; a smile was spread across her features.

''Hello, Kel,'' he said. Her smile was contagious; he was smiling, too.

''Hi, Neal,'' she said. He noticed that her hands were behind her back, and that she was playing with something.

''I have something to tell you,'' she said, her smile growing wider.

''What?'' he said, glad that whatever it was made her so happy.

''I...''she began, her voice broken by a blissful pause.

''What?''

In that moment, her smile grew so big, Neal thought it would slide off her face.

''Dom and I are getting married,'' she said.

Neal's heart shattered in his chest; he felt the high urge to slip into the ground and disappear forever.

Despite this, he forced a smile on his face. ''That's great,'' he said, ''I'm happy for you.''

''Thank you,'' she said, ''Dom wants you to be the best man, I think.''

''Sure,'' he said, forcing himself to smile wider.

''I'll tell him you said so,'' she said.

She then took her left hand from behind her back and raised her hand to Neal. A sapphire ring was sported there. It wasn't too big but it did look like it cost quite a bit of money.

''Isn't it beautiful?'' she asked.

No, to Neal, it was the ugliest thing in the world. It only symbolized the pain all the pain in his heart. He wanted to rip it off her fingers and throw it against the wall. Then afterward he would demand why she loved his cousin so much, instead of him. But no the sensible part of Neal's mind talked him out of it. Neal then considered saying some sarcastic remark but decided that he would only be watering down her happiness. Why make her unhappy just because he was?

So he made his artificial smile increase, and nodded. ''It is,'' he lied.

''Oh Neal, I'm so excited!'' she said.

Neal couldn't look at her. If he did, he feared he would fall apart right in front of her. How could the gods be so cruel? he wondered, to make someone want someone so much yet make her unattainable to him.

It was all too much to bear right then. ''I... have to do something now,'' he said, ''I'm sorry.'' In that moment, his mask of happiness slipped. It was brief, but Kel caught it.

''Are you all right?'' she asked.

''I'm fine,'' he asked, and put the mask of happiness that he coated his face with before.

''Is it a girl?'' Kel asked.

She knows me so well, Neal thought, I wonder how she doesn't know it's her.

''I'm fine,'' Neal said quickly, before harder thought made his voice crackle.

Kel's smile softened into solemnity. ''You don't have to feel guilty about telling me now,'' she said, ''you can tell me anything, anytime.''

Neal knew that she had good intentions, but now she was only making things worse. ''Really,'' he said, ''I'm fine.''

''Okay,'' she said, her eyes glinting with hurt.

For a moment, Neal felt guilty. Then he thought of all the hurt she was brewing inside of him(intentional or not) and the guilt faded. He also knew if he let himself add guilt to the brew of his emotions, he would break down in front of her.

Neal didn't have to remind Kel that he ''had to do something'', she left. When he heard her footsteps fade from his hearing, he finally let himself cry.

And he cried and cried and cried.

He avoided her until he felt his emotions were under control.

Even then, there was a felt barrier between them, one that hurt them both the same.

''He's probably just upset, Kel,'' he heard Dom say, ''I bet that girl broke his heart and he's just pining over it. He'll get over it.''

Neal felt a combination of guilt and frustration ride over him when he heard this comment. Now that he was more rational, he realized that none of this was Kel's fault, just his misfortune. It was a shame that he let the fact that he wanted more get in the way of what they already had. However, he knew that he was just pining over it and he didn't think that he'd ever get over it. He had found true love, and she was marrying not only someone else, but his _cousin_.

He then tried to act as he normally would. Kel, full of pre-wedding excitement, was happier for the apparent repair in their friendship. She was too busy to look deeper. If she did, she would notice his lack of sarcasms, his sudden solemnity, or his sudden quietness.

Dom did ask him to be his best man, and Neal agreed. However there was a shadowing feeling that surrounded him at the wedding preparations, the sick irony of the best man checking out the bride.

The wedding took place on a bright, sunny day, which was so contrary to Neal's mood.

The vows that Kel and Dom gave were with beaming faces and shining eyes. Part of Neal was happy for them; the other part of Neal was ripped apart with the yearning and proceeding denying of his soul.

When it was time for the bridal dance, Neal wanted to hide behind the tree nearby.

But then..._ she_ came up to him.

She took his breath away with her grandeur and simple sophistication. At that point, he was still in love with Kel but... something changed.

''Why look sad at wedding?'' she asked with a thick Yamani accent.

''What?'' Neal asked, taken aback.

''Can't dance?'' she asked.

He couldn't dance but of course, that wasn't why he was upset. ''No, I can't dance well but...''

''Want to dance?'' she asked, ''I also not good dance.''

''Sure,'' Neal said, with a small smile on his face.

''I Yuki,'' she said, ''I introduce me before, but I not able to speak Tortallan. Kel help me learn. Tortallan still broken, sorry.''

''I'm Neal,'' he said, extending his hand to her, ''and I might be able to help you with that.''

His heartbreak didn't fade away overnight but gradually they descended into quite another feeling....

**Also finished ahead of schedule. Yay, I'm getting better at updating! Well, probably not, more like I'm experiencing an abundance of snow days. The next chapter of In Her Darkest Hour is in progress, along with a oneshot that randomly came to me. As usual, I beg for reviews. Please give them!**


	14. Scenario 14'He Hit Me'

Scenario 14- ''He Hit Me.''

When Neal saw Kel that day, he felt himself tighten with dread and horror. It was just something on her face that made his head ache and his heart break with sadness. The look on her face looked like that was the same thing happening within her.

He heard her sobs from a distance and immediately ran to her. At the time, he didn't know whose sobs they were exactly, because she had never cried in front of him before. All he knew was that they were the most heart-wrenching sounds that he'd ever heard.

And when he saw her.... Well, he couldn't believe it was her. Dark circles ringed around her eyes. Her right eye was swollen, and bruises filled her face. Blood dribbled from her jaw and nose. Of course, he had seen her like that before. After all, that was usually how she ended up when she had fought the bullies as a page. However this.... He sensed something much more sinister about this. Then, a determined look glowed in her eyes; now, a defeated, forlorn look shadowed them.

''Kel?'' he said, stooping to her level.

Upon seeing him, she sobbed even harder. Somehow, Neal found his arms instinctively around her. His heart was sick with pity, horror and fear.

''What happened?'' he asked, having a feeling that he wouldn't want to know the answer.

Her sobs increased once more. ''Shh, shh, shh...'' he whispered, ''I'm here now.''

''He....he... he...'' Her confession was choked off by sobs.

Oh, Mithros, no, he thought, no, no, no. He knew he didn't want to know now.

''He hit me.''

Now that was an understatement if he had ever heard.

Neal felt as if he was going to sick.

''Joren?''

Kel nodded weakly against him.

He couldn't say he was that surprised; Joren had conveyed violent tendencies when he was younger. The things that he and his cronies had done to Kel when she was younger was absolutely horrible.

However, he had told them that he had changed. Neal was a little edgy about this at first, and Kel was too. But then... Then he had _really_ convinced Kel, and even made her fall in love with him. Neal figured then that even though he didn't like Joren, he was going to put their differences aside, because he wanted Kel to be happy. He knew now that he was stupid to do that; he should have been continually edgy. But, gods- dammit, he had been trapped in Joren's spell, too. He had been among those who really thought Joren loved Kel.

''I shouldn't have believed him...''

''I know but we were all fooled when he said that he'd changed.''

Kel looked up him with regretful hazel eyes. ''I shouldn't have believed him then,'' she agreed softly, ''but... I also shouldn't have believed him when he said that he wasn't going to do again.''

Neal's heart fell in his chest. That bastard had done that not only one, but _twice_?

That's it. Neal was going to_ kill_ him.

''He did it before, Kel?'' Neal spoke his thoughts aloud.

''Yes,'' she admitted, looking away from him, ''but it wasn't this bad.''

''And you went back?''

''He just punched me in the jaw that time. He said... he said he lost his temper for a moment and that he was sorry. I told him that I wasn't going to go back to a man who hit his women but he... He was crying, and begging me, and he was just so persuasive...''

Neal could have never guessed that Kel would have ever been one of those women. If a man hit her, he would have thought she would have immediately left. Yet again, he could have never guessed that she would have picked an abusive partner in the first place. He could see Joren wanting to prove how strong he was by breaking a woman as strong as Kel...

He felt his muscles tense at such a revolting thought.

''I'm sorry,'' she whispered, her voice so hoarse that he could barely hear it.

''This... this isn't your fault, Kel,'' Neal said, ''it's his.''

''I've had things worse than this,'' Kel said, ''bruises worse than this. But... this is different. This is _so_ different. When Joren and I fought as pages.... I didn't care that he hurt me; I hated him then. Now...''

Once more, her speech dissolved into sobs. Neal held her closer and felt a helpless rage fuel within him. He hated seeing someone he thought was so strong break like this, especially someone he had so closely loved and revered. He didn't understand how anyone could treat a woman so precious like leftover trash from dinner.

''Now you love him,'' he finished for her, ''and he has your relationship with him to use against you.''

She flinched. For a long moment, that statement filled the air, its truth ringing in their hearts. There was nothing else for either of them to say.

''You can't use that a reason to stay,'' he said,'' you can't. You can't see this through love; love is so...so blinding. At the end of the day, you don't deserve to be treated like that. It's only going to get worse. You're so much better than him, or that kind of treatment.''

Kel didn't know what to say to that. The value of his statement to her couldn't be measured in words. ''Thank you,'' she said, ''That means a lot to me.''

''Kel,'' he said, ''you've always been like a little sister to me, you know that? I don't want to see you get hurt, especially like this.''

''Thank you,'' she said, the weight of his words measuring on her soul once more.

Neal didn't even need to say ''you're welcome.'' To him, the words would sound too terse considering the entirety of the situation.

''Um... you should probably get you cleaned up,'' he said, ''You should probably go to a healer, too. I can go with you if you want.''

''No, you don't have to,'' she said, ''I'd rather go alone.''

''All right,'' he said, nodding.

There was so much more that he wanted to say to her, but then it just wasn't the right time.

And with that, she walked away from him.

The next day, as was expected, Joren did come knocking at the door.

''Kel,'' he said, ''I'm sorry.''

Kel sensed a certain blandness and scorn in his voice. He knew that he was automatically expecting that she would go back to him, as she did before. However, Kel had the night to think. The more she thought about it, the more she knew how that couldn't be an option. She had to much to lose for him- her dignity, her self-respect, her passion, her friends...herself, basically.

Yes, she loved him. Yes, leaving him was like carving out a piece of heart and throwing it on the floor. Yes, she was going to stay up for the next couple of nights and regret what she did. But... She couldn't stay with him.

''No, you're not,'' she whispered, stretching a Yamani mask across her features, ''I'm breaking up with you.''

''But Kel...'' he said, crocodile tears shining in his beautiful blue eyes, ''I just lost my temper. I can fix it. I won't do it again.''

''You said that the last time,'' she said, ''No.''

''Kel...''

''Are you going to keep losing your temper, Joren?''

''Kel, I'm trying...''

''Look, Joren...''

''Look, Kel,'' he said, his voice becoming a command. He gripped her arm, and held it tight. ''You're not leaving me.''

''Yes, I am, Joren.''

''_No_,'' he said, his voice gaining heat, ''You're not.'' He gripped her arm tighter.

''Let me go.''

''No. You're staying here, _now_.''

He slapped her across the jaw. ''You really think you're going to find anyone better than me?'' he asked, his nails now digging so hard in her flesh that he was drawing blood, ''You're not. I know you love me, this is stupid.''

''Just let me go, Joren.''

He slapped her again. ''No.''

An icy fear prickled within her. She pulled herself from his grip and ran, her cheek still stinging with his slaps.

The next day, Owen and Neal happened to be in the same lunch line.

Owen, along with Kel's other friends, knew something had happened. None of them knew what; they just knew that Neal was there when it did, Kel's parents were notified and that she wasn't coming back with her knight-master for a while.

''What's wrong with Kel, Neal?'' he asked, ''What happened?''

Neal looked down, the memories of two nights ago coming back. ''He beat her up,'' Neal said, ''I know she could have defended herself, but she couldn't...''

''Joren?'' he asked, his eyes wide, ''Are they calling on the Temple of the Goddess?''

''Yes,'' Neal said, ''He hit her again when she told him she was leaving.''

Owen's eyes grew wide with horror. ''But...''

''She left him. She came to me afterward.''

''You were there when...''

''I found her,'' he said, grimacing, ''after it happened.''

There was a pause. ''He should be punished,'' Owen said, his fists clenched against the tray.

''Definitely,'' Neal said, pain in his voice, ''I saw her and... it was horrible, Owen. She broke down and everything. It wasn't like when she was a page.''

Owen said nothing as his eyes grew bigger and angrier.''

''She'll be never be completely okay but... she'll get through it,'' Neal said, ''She's strong, and she's better than him and that.''

Silence pursued as the lunch lady poured slop onto Neal's tray.

**Now, I know it's shocking that I am updating this now. I am totally and utterly shocked with myself... When I started typing though, the story just poured out of me. This story is actually pretty close to my heart; one of my friends was abused emotionally by her boyfriend this past year (he was possessive, sent her harassing texts, told her he only loved her 75%, etc.) . Despite the intense sadness and level of depression in the story, I really think it needed to be written. The next story will be lighter, I assure you, but I have no idea when it will come out. **


	15. Scenario 15: I Don't Love You Anymore

Scenario 15-''I Still Love You.''

Neal professed his feelings for her after her ordeal with Blayce and Stenmun. When they finally had the opportunity to be alone, he sobbed and held her.

''You scared me,'' he told her, ''oh Kel, I was so scared.''

She personally was scared, too; however, she could tell a different, more potent sort of fear rocked his bones. His breath conveyed a helpless terror that conveyed more than words ever could.

And then... he kissed her. He kissed her with a frenzied, hard need; one fueled both by the feelings he had been suppressing for so long and the feeling that had wracked him to his core for the past hour. And that kiss also told her more than he ever could.

The following nine months of their relationship were amazing. They were a brilliant fiery burning in both of their hearts.

He proposed to her on an especially cold winter day. The wind whipped hard against their faces but neither of them cared. Neal just took her out to the forest and bent down on one knee.

''Keladry of Mindelan, will you marry me?''

She said yes, of course, with tear-stained eyes and a big smile plastered on her face.

But then something happened. Kel didn't know what but something did. It was something that Neal didn't speak about but she could feel its presence there.

The next time that Kel saw Neal she knew something had happened. His face was stony as he went up to her.

''Neal what....'' she began.

''The engagement's off,'' he said.

Kel felt her face fall, though she immediately tried to pick it up. ''You're kidding me, right?''

She was waiting for his face to soften and smile, but it never did. He simply shook his head, his facial expression unchanging.

''Why?'' she asked. Despite her attempts, hurt still leaked through her voice.

He looked away and didn't answer.

''Is it me?''

''No, it's me,'' he said.

''That's the most cliché line ever,'' Kel said. She couldn't help but have a little bitterness seep through her voice, for it was finally sinking in that he was serious.

A bitter, angry semi-laugh escaped from him. ''I know,'' he said, ''but it's true.''

They were both silent for a while, before Neal started to walk away. Kel grabbed his wrist before he could, though.

''What?'' he asked, his voice tinged with something she couldn't identify.

''Why?'' she asked, ''if you're going to leave me, if you're going to do this to me, tell me _why_.''

Neal looked away. ''I don't love you anymore,'' he said, a slight quaver in his voice.

Kel was overcome with shock; she found she couldn't say anything.

It was then Neal walked away, and it wouldn't be until twenty years that she would ever see him again.

She moved on with her life after he left- she advanced in her career, took on various squires, and met and married another man.

Despite everything, her love for him prevailed. She tried everything she could to forget him, but she never could. When he left her, a part of her left with him. His leaving her was something that she never really got over; sometimes she stayed up half the night with his words still burning on her heart.

When her husband died, she felt the sorrow that comes with losing a friend, not a lover.

The next time she saw him again was when they were happened stationed together. It was purely by chance, and more than Kel had ever hoped for.

At first when she saw him, she didn't recognize him. The scars and wrinkles on his face made him look a decade older than he was; the fire and brilliance that had lit up his eyes were replaced by dark shadows.

That lack of recognition only lasted a moment, however.

When she did recognize him... A strange feeling shot up her heart. It was one mixed with joy, shock and renewed heartbreak.

She didn't know what to do; it had been so long. For a moment, she just stared at him.

He didn't notice she was looking at him for the longest time. And then she caught his glance.

When her hazel eyes met his green ones, he couldn't look away. Those were the hazel eyes that he had haunted him all those years, the ones that he had so often dreamed of, so often thought of.

A look of yearning crossed his face before he remembered that he could not have her, even now. It was the flare of despair and frustration that tore his gaze from her.

Kel felt that familiar feeling well up in her at his silent yet abrupt dismissal of her.

She decided then that it was with great urgency that she had to see Neal, and soon. She had to ask him why he had left her and irrevocably shattered her heart, and confess to him that even now she loved him with an irrevocable passion.

But he avoided her. He only communicated or met up with her when he had to, and that was always when they were around others.

She approached him at dinner. He was alone, at a table far away from everybody else. This surprised Kel; Neal may have been sarcastic but he was still personable. It began to hit her how much he had probably changed.

But still.... she had to know.

Upon seeing her, Neal got up to move.

''Hello, Neal.'' She had tried to be pleasant to him, despite how she had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't respond to that.

He didn't; he just quickened his pace.

''No,'' she said, gripping his arm, ''You've put off this conversation for twenty years. We need to talk.''

''There isn't anything to talk about,'' he said, refusing to look at her.

''There is,'' she said, ''and you know it.''

His mouth tightened and he shook his head.

They stood there for a moment, not doing anything.

''Please, Neal,'' she said, ''Talk to me.''

The way she looked at him tore him up the same way it did all those years ago. He couldn't stay as solid as he did years ago; something within him broke as her face did.

Even though he knew this conversation would hurt her more than it would help her, he nodded. ''Can we do it outside?''

''Of course.''

So outside they went, the air between them heavy and thick with the storms brewing inside of them.

''How have you been?'' Kel asked.

''Good,'' Neal lied. The years without her were some of the worst of his life. Sometimes he regretted what he did, but it was usually before remembering that he didn't have a choice.

She could sense his lie. ''Really?''

''Of course,'' he said, not meeting her eyes, ''How have you been?''

''My husband died a year ago,'' Kel said.

Husband? The word hit Neal hard. And... he died. Kel must be devastated right now. He had no idea which words to say to comfort her, as he would have in the past. ''Oh. I'm sorry.''

''It's all right. He was very sick. His death was just an end to his suffering.''

''Oh.''

''At least he lived long enough to see my daughter knighted. He and I were so proud.''

''You have a daughter?''

''Two, and a son.''

Silence fell upon them.

''What about you?'' Kel asked.

''I don't have any children,'' he said, ''or a wife.''

''Oh.''

For a moment, both of them couldn't help but think of when they both yearned to be each other's spouse, both yearned to have children together. And then they couldn't help but think how much they wanted that still.

''I still love you.''

The words came out before Kel could stop them, unpolished and raw.

Neal's face changed before he could think about it, also unpolished and raw. And Kel saw it then... He still loved her.

She reached in to kiss him, and he did to. But just as Neal was about to kiss her too... All reason came flooded back in.

''No!''

Kel looked at him, utterly shocked.

''Why?'' she asked, feeling just as hurt as he had all those years ago.

Neal knew exactly why, and he knew that the Incident, the Incident that happened twenty years ago, still was enough to overcome his feelings for Kel.

Once again, he had felt the sting of it, and the storm of emotions that came with it- the loss, the shame, the guilt, the rage...

He wished with everything left in his heart that he could tell her. But he hadn't told anyone, in all those twenty years, and he still couldn't.

He turned away from her, so she couldn't see the storm raging in his soul, the shadows darkening in his eyes, the tears flowing down his cheeks.

''I can't tell you,'' he whispered, his voice strained with tears.

Kel put her hand on his shoulder.

''Yes you can,'' she said, ''You can tell me, and you can love me and...''

''No!'' he shouted.

Kel's hand on his shoulder froze and Neal could feel her flinch.

He shrugged his shoulders, forcing her hand to fall. ''I don't love you anymore,'' he said, forcing his voice to be as cold and emotionless as it had previously.

A frozen Kel watched him, he walked away, once again shattering both of their hearts.

**Okay, so last time I updated pretty quickly but this time.... Not so much. So sorry! But life has been so busy... SSAT prep, my 13th b-day party, my sister's play, etc... The next chapter to In Her Darkest Hour isn't even close to being done, unfortunately. However, I will try to cram it in ASAP, and with Spring Break being so soon, I may have a more ample chance of that happening. **


	16. Scenario 16 'I Want to Marry You'

Scenario 16- ''I Want to Marry You.'' 

Kel knew she loved Neal after he had healed one of her refugees. The way he had handled and looked after the girl warmed her heart. At that moment, the essence of him showed so strong and... She knew that she had loved that witty, loyal, loving man in a way that moved beyond friendship.

Neal knew that he loved Kel when he saw her commanding the legions also patrolled at her refugee camp. There was a beauty to her then, one that was so bright that he couldn't look away. At that moment the essence of her was glowing and... He knew he loved that brave, beautiful, kind woman in a way that moved beyond friendship.

Kel was the first to confess her true feelings to him. She had written a speech that she had edited and rewritten twelve times over. She ended up forgetting the words when the time came to actually tell him.

So she awkwardly began to confess her feelings for him when he cut her off and confessed his feelings for her.

And then they became lovers. Kel knew immediately that what she had with him was different than with any other lover she ever had. She knew what they had was special and fierce and true.

As of then, they were lovers officially for four years. And now...

Now Kel wanted to marry Neal. She thought that their relationship reached a point where they would have a successful marriage together.

The wish began somewhere around the time when their two good friends, Yuki and Dom, married each other.

''Their wedding was so nice, wasn't it, Neal?'' she asked him.

''Yes, it was.''

''I could tell Yuki was happy, even though she couldn't show it.''

''Yes, I know.''

''Maybe it was nice, if we could, too.''

Of course, Neal had to change the subject. Kel forget what exactly he changed it to, but he changed it and he did so effectively. Kel even forgot about the topic for a while.

But then... Then it came back as a strong urge. She thought about it when they were together; she felt the potency of their relationship and knew that it was one of the strongest things she had ever felt. To marry him was something she had felt with a strong surety in her heart.

She was hoping the topic would come up again, or that Neal might ask her. It only did in short bursts, though, because Neal always changed the subject when it did. Kel decided to confront him and maybe propose. And why not? She had been unconventional with her gender roles, so why not be unconventional with her marriage proposal?

Kel was hesitant to talk to him about it, however. Both of them had their careers as knights, so there was a lot of ways marriage could affect that. Also, it would be hard if they decided to have children.

And, if Kel admitted it to herself, she was unsure of how she would react if he told her that he didn't want to marry her.

She finally gathered up the nerve to tell him one day.

Neal noticed something was off as she bit her lip, and looked from him.

''What is it?'' he asked.

''Neal...'' she began.

''What?'' he repeated, getting nervous at her hesitation.

''I've been thinking...''

''Oh no. This can't be good.''

Kel's face clouded.

Neal sighed. ''I shouldn't have said that,'' he said, ''but... this is out of character for you.'' Then his face darkened, as realization spread across his face.

''Wait, you aren't pregnant, are you?''

Kel laughed. ''No.''

''Thank the gods.''

''You sound like it would be a curse.''

''Well it's just not the right timing. I mean we could handle it if it happened but...''

''I know.''

A brief pause followed.

''So,'' Neal said, ''What were you going to tell me?''

She took a deep breath, before answering him. ''I want to marry you.''

Neal raised his eyebrows. ''What?''

` ''Well I've been thinking about it and...''

''And?"'

Kel felt nervousness gather inside her. ''I would postpone children but we should get married. We've been together a long time now. I think we should do it.''

''But what about our careers?''

''It's not like we're Riders, Neal. We can still get married and have our careers.''

''Well, why would we need to get married? Aren't we good enough as we are?''

''Yes, but...''

''We are. We don't need to get married.''

Kel didn't know what to say. His tone sounded so final, and she felt like there was nothing else to say. She had never felt so ready to give up on something. That was so unlike her.

For weeks she would mention it and he would change the topic. At that point, Kel did not feel resignation; she felt annoyance.

''Why?'' she asked him one day, ''why won't you marry me?''

''Why should we get married?''

''I just think it would be...''

''We don't need to get married.''

''Well I want to. Why don't you?''

''I just think we don't need to, Kel.''

For all the nonchalance he was trying to pull off, his tone sounded surprisingly urgent. It had a tone of stubbornness and decision that Kel never knew Neal could possess up until now.

And then... Kel did something completely out of character for her... She had acted upon hurt feelings and impulse.

''I think we should break up.''

''What?''

''If don't agree on this, if we don't have the same idea...''

''Kel, marriage wouldn't change anything.''

Yes it would, Kel thought, It would show that you would love me enough to make a lasting commitment to me. She couldn't find the words to say that however.

So she left, her heavy boots making loud, harsh sounds against the floor.

Kel immediately regretted breaking up with Neal, but still, she found that she couldn't approach him. She would spend countless hours awake and wondering whether she had made the right decision.

Neal started to wonder whether he was right in not wanting to marry Kel. The lack of reason to marry wasn't the reason why he didn't want to marry Kel.

The truth was that he had an underlying fear of commitment, along with a fear of the unknown that marriage would bring.

But he began to miss Kel with an ache that ran deep to his bones. Her smile, her eyes, and the feeling of her kisses haunted him with a phantom pain at intermittent hours of the day.

But still... He was unsure whether he should approach her, apologize to her and marry her.

When he thought about it, he decided to go to Dom. Dom had previously had a very notorious reputation for his fear of commitment. That's why it had been such a shock when he had married Yuki.

''That's a complicated question, Neal,'' Dom answered when Neal asked for advice, ''Marriage isn't so bad and I don't regret it, but saying that, I love Yuki a lot. It is a commitment but... I think it was worth it with me. It really depends on how much you love her and how much you are willing to sacrifice for that love.''

Dom's words echoed in Neal's mind, and that was when Neal finally decided to approach Kel.

With a ring in his hand and a heart beating fast in his chest, he approached Kel.

''I'm sorry, Neal,'' she said, as she saw him, ''we don't have to...''

He shook his head. ''No,'' he whispered.

He then bent on one knee, causing Kel to let out a surprised squeak. ''Kel, I...''

**Okay... so this is my least favorite I have to say. It didn't turn out as smoothly as I had planned, and I don't think I captured the essence of the characters nearly as well as I should have. I considered quitting it, but I decided that you all should have the opportunity to read it and judge it instead of making you wait a whole lot longer. The next one will be better, though, I promise. **


	17. Scenario 17'I've Been Thinking About'

Scenario 17- ''I've Been Thinking About...''

When Kel looked back on why she was the way she was, she could never find a direct cause. Her world gradually spun slower and slower and slower, faded to a desolate blackness over time and small mistakes. With each gruesome sight she saw and could not stop, another part of her died and was lost to oblivion.

She had dug her hole so deep, and for a while she didn't know how to get back out. It seemed as if she had caged herself too, imprisoned herself in the darkness of war and of her own pain.

It had gotten so bad, it became so hard to wake up each morning, that it seemed to her that there was only one solution. That solution became so simple to her- she could just stop waking up. To stop living, to stop doing what she was doing, to stop having to go through all the pain.

But there was one thing that had stopped every time she was about to seriously plan it out. She would see the faces of those who had loved her, those that had trusted her, those who predicted that this is what war would do to a woman. And then... No matter how hard she tried she could not put the dagger within her, could not tie the noose around her neck, could not jump within the frigid and deep waters of the Vassa.

She was torn between peace and chaos within, between the peace and well-being of herself and the peace and well-being of her loved ones.

She considered making it look like an accident. Enter a jousting contest and just fall off her horse, or do something stupid that would prove to be fatal.

That would eliminate losing the trust of those who had trusted her, and fueling the opinions of the conservatives.

But her family and friends would still be in deep torment and grief. She didn't know how they could love someone like her, but she knew they did.

It wouldn't be as bad but... It would still be a pretty horrible thing to unleash on them, and she couldn't help but think of it.

But why would they care? How could they possibly love her, when she was so weak and stupid and worthless? What reasons did she have for living?

What if they knew who she really was? Would they love her then? Would they want to someone like her to live?

She wondered all of these things as the darkness pressed upon her and consumed her mind whole. As it slithered and crept inside of her, spreading a thick blanket of black all over her soul.

She wanted to tell; she wanted to talk about it, but she couldn't find the words to. So she gave out the information in small bits, or in cryptic ones. And when no one seemed to respond to that (because, even though she didn't say it outright, shouldn't they have gotten the hint), she started to doubt whether anyone still cared about her at all.

If it was anyone who noticed it was Neal. He didn't know the plans that she had formulated in her head, but he saw the emptiness that echoed in her eyes, the forlornness in the aloof and distant way that she acted now, the razor-sharp look of pain that flashed across her eyes when she thought that no one was looking. He didn't know what she was thinking; he only knew that something about the way she was thinking wasn't quite in working order.

He approached her reluctantly at mess halls.

''Kel...'' he began.

''Oh, Neal,'' she said, forcing a smile, ''hello.''

Smiles felt so artificial on her now; making herself smile was like molding discolored dry clay into a beautiful sculpture.

''I haven't seen you in a while,'' he said.

A while, as in a year and a half, the longest he hadn't seen her.

''I know.''

They talked for a while. However, it was usually Neal who initiated the topics; Kel only gave him flat, trite answers. The chemistry in them wasn't the same; Kel wasn't the same. When she looked at him, she gave her uncharacteristic fake smiles and a Yamani mask. Her eyes kept looking away from his, and onto the floor, with that horrible, hopeless look she always seemed to have now.

It was getting too much for him, too horrible and empty-feeling.

''Are you all right?'' he asked, even though he now knew for a fact that she wasn't. Kel's own sorrow was palpable and constricted Neal's own throat with its consuming metal band.

She shrugged, looking away from him. ''So-so.''

Neal felt his heart constrict; Kel was acting so out-of-character that he was getting scared now. She was lying him, that much he could tell. But... She never lied to him before- why was she lying to him now?

Neal had a feeling that she wasn't going to tell him if he kept prodding. Whatever negative feelings she was holding inside of her, she was going to have to tell him on his own. All he could do for her was let her know that he could.

''Kel...'' he said, putting his hand on hers, ''if you need anything, just tell me. If you need to talk to me, you can talk to me about anything. I care about you and I don't want you to be hurting.''

She looked up at him, and something in her eyes changed. As she looked at him, he saw a flicker of hope in a sea of sorrow.

Her mouth opened, and it looked like she was about to tell him something important. But then she changed her mind, and once more put on a fake smile for him.

''Thank you,'' she said, nodding.

''Sure.''

She got up and walked away from him, and he felt a pang in his heart as he noticed the way her shoulders slumped now.

Kel couldn't fall asleep that night, which wasn't unusual because she couldn't fall most nights. But this time.... This time it was different. It wasn't the ghosts of her past that haunted her, but the glow of Neal's words.

_You can talk to me..._ he said.

_I don't want you to be hurting... _he said.

_I care about you..._ he said.

Those words flickered in her head, danced and glowed and illuminated her heart.

Maybe he knew. Maybe he knew and wanted to stop her, but just didn't know how. Maybe he knew but wasn't entirely sure. Or... maybe he simply really did care about her, unlike she had begun to think.

Well all these maybes resulted in one sure maybe that she had made up.

_Maybe I should tell him. _

The more she thought of it, the more sure of it she became. When she finally fell asleep, she became sure of it.

Kel approached Neal the next morning.

''Kel,'' he said, forcing himself to smile.

But she couldn't make herself smile back, not even artificially. She looked at him and let him see her pain.

''Kel...'' he said, reaching out for her, ''you're not all right, are you?''

The amount of concern struck something in Kel that she had long ago buried away. She started to sob.

She found herself in Neal's arms, sobbing on his tunic. She stayed there for a moment, until she found the tears could no longer come.

''I'm sorry about that, Neal.''

''Don't be,'' he said.

Kel didn't know what to say. She had been sure she was going to tell him but she didn't know how. Then, as if he read her thoughts, Neal squeezed her arm in comfort.

''You said.... you said I could tell you anything?'' she asked, her voice soft and hoarse with sobs shed and sobs that she had yet to shed.

''Anything,'' he said, meeting her bloodshot eyes with his own.

Kel saw and felt the sincerity that shone in his eyes. She knew that she could back out again, and continue to keep her horrible secret caged inside of her. But she also knew that she could finally tell him, without condemnation on his part. She could tell him, and maybe then she could finally begin to relieve herself of all of the darkness.

''I feel like the world is so horrible and I can't do a thing about it,'' she began, ''I've seen so much darkness that I haven't been able to extinguish. I feel like I'm worthless, like if I left this world it wouldn't be much different.

''And I've been thinking...I've been thinking about killing myself.''

**Well this was a little bit deeper and darker than the last work, but I'm starting to think that's more of my style because this was so much easier to write than the last one. Now I know that this probably wouldn't be Kel but... The issue of suicide is a really important one and I thought I might be spreading awareness about it. This fic was actually inspired by a very good book( besides TP's books, of course, which are also amazing) called **_**Thirteen Reasons Why**_**. Anyway... please read and review and I will try to update as soon as I can. **


	18. Scenario 18 'You Saved My Life'

Scenario 18- ''You Saved My Life.''  
**First off, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you all are enjoying it. I wasn't going to write a part 2 to ''I've Been Thinking About...'' but under heavy request, this is it. I would like to thank all of my reviewers who reviewed that and please review this one, too. It's not as long as the others, and a bit forced at the end but here it is: **

Neal couldn't think when he heard what she said. It finally sunk in why she had reacted the way that she had, why she had acted the way that he did. He didn't see it. He was so stupid that he didn't see it.

''I'm sorry, Neal,'' she said. Tears flooded her hazel eyes and her shoulders slumped even further down. Her face showed what she now allowed him to see- a woman broken and destroyed, a wisp of the stronger one that he knew.

He didn't know what to say. She shouldn't be sorry for reaching out for help; he should be for not realizing she needed it.

''Oh Kel,'' he breathed, ''no. Oh Mithros, no.''

Kel, to his horror, broke out in sobs. Heavy, shuddering, broken sobs that wracked her whole being and broke his heart.

She looked so fragile right now; it looked that if he gave her the slightest touch then she would shatter completely. Nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around her.

Her sobs increased; she was sobbing so godsdamned hard that he thought her lungs might burst out of her. She latched onto him and buried her head into his chest.

''I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this,'' she whispered, so low she could barely hear her.

It immediately struck her that she was talking about living. She wasn't sure how long she could continue living, how much longer she could continue living in pain. The thought struck him with a desperate agony. She was hurting, bleeding, in pain. Only the wounds were inside of her, the type of wounds that he could not heal.

He tightened his grip around her in urgency, not wanting to let her go and fall into her sea of black.

''Oh Kel,'' he said, his own voice breaking, ''Oh Kel no, please. Hold on. Please, please, please hold on.''

Kel didn't say anything to this but nodded against him. She continued to sob against him. He felt her tears acutely on his chest; they were a spreading storm that was drenching his tunic.

''I'm going to help you, Kel,'' he said, his voice firm and determined, ''You're going to be all right.''

His comment was accompanied by silence. ''You're going to be all right,'' he repeated, ''You're going to be all right.'' He tried to make his voice firm instead of desperate, although he did so unsuccessfully.

There was something in his voice that made Kel look up, to Neal's surprise.

She stopped crying and she just... looked at him. The look in her eye, the utter agony but also the flicker of hope they contained, made Neal even more determined.

''There's help for you,'' he said, ''We're just going to have to find it. And... There are people, including me, who would do anything to help you find it. You're going to have to try for it, though. Really try for it. ''

Neal's words made Kel start to cry again, though it was in a completely different way.

She continued to hold her gaze; she bit her lips to silence her tears, and she nodded.

Neal was the first person she told; her mother was the second.

''You need as much support as you can,'' Neal said.

''Why do I have to tell her, Neal?'' she asked him. ''Why? How will this help me?''

''Because she should know, Kel, and she should know it from you,'' he said, ''and maybe she could help you find someone.''

So Kel told her mother, albeit hesitantly. Kel thought that it would be easier the second time, but it was even harder. Her mother had had so much faith in her and her strength; she felt as if she was letting Ilane down.

''Hello, Kel,'' Ilane greeted when she first saw her, ''How is everything?''

At least then her mother opened the perfect opportunity to talk about it. It was then that Kel admitted her suicidal thoughts to her.

It was the second time Kel saw Ilane cry.

''I'm sorry, Mama,'' Kel said, ''I'm so sorry.''

''No, baby,'' her mother said.

Kel looked away and tried to hide some of her tears. She failed, and ended up bursting in to tears again.

Ilane went to her, and put her arms around her. ''There's help for you,'' Ilane said, echoing Neal's words, ''There's help for you and there's more people like you. We're going to get help for you.''

Kel then figured that if both Neal and her mother said this, then it must be true. Her heart lifted slightly with hope.

And they did find Kel help. Apparently there were more knights who were considering the same thing, or who were severely traumatized by the war. Apparently, there was therapy for them, only it wasn't publicized.

Kel's heart was beating erratically as she entered therapy, and Neal squeezed her hand.

''It's going to be all right,'' Neal said.

Kel nodded and forced a smile.

''It is,'' he said, squeezing her hand.

She nodded again this time, this time more sincerely. Neal let go, and she entered the doors to help.

It was there that she found refuge, and understanding. Slowly, she healed and rearranged her life.

The darkness would always be at the fringes of her life; there were still some nights where she woke up to her own screams and found herself drenched with sweat. She was better though, and she had reasons to live.

Years later, she once again talked to Neal about it.

''You're the reason I'm here today, you know,'' she said. ''You saved my life. I would have done it eventually if it wasn't for you.

''You saved yourself,'' Neal said, forcing a smile, ''I only helped you.''

''I'm glad I could tell you.''

''I am, too, Kel. I am too.''


	19. Scenario 19'I'm Sorry'

Scenario 19- ''I'm Sorry.''

Kel loved Neal. She loved almost every aspect of their relationship. She loved the way they seemed to have the perfect relationship. They aligned with each other; their chemistry was perfect. He treated her like she had never been treated before, and it aroused a feeling within her that she had never been treated before.

But one day, there was a moment when their sunshine was interrupted by a gray cloud. They had their first argument.

It was stupid, really. Neal didn't wanted to go to the Midwinter festivals; Kel did. Somehow that turned into a full- blown argument, livid and scorching. Vicious words and vicious names were thrown at each other, steel-tipped arrows that ripped both their pride and their state of mind.

Days after, they still weren't talking to each other; they wouldn't even look at each other. Their friends were careful around them. Anger and hurt pride flamed in the air, and put an unbreakable wall between Kel and Neal.

''What's up with Kel and Neal?'' Faleron asked Merric one day, as Kel and Neal sat in two different tables in the mess hall.

''I think they got into an argument,'' Merric said.

''Well that's obvious,'' Faleron said, ''but I mean what about?''

''I have no idea.''

''It must be pretty serious, I suppose,'' Faleron said, ''for them not even to be talking to each other.''

Merric nodded gravely, as he eyed the two of them.

But then a bit of time blew the anger shortly blew away from their hearts. Kel and Neal truly loved each other, and a desire to reconcile with each other began to surface. However, their pride and fear of rejection prevented them from doing so.

So they continued to not speak to each other, and their silence became a wall that grew higher with each passing day. Each night was a restless one, wrestling with the urge and the fear inside of friends were at a complete loss of what to do; each was hesitant to take sides and afraid that this whole event was going to leave them with one less friend.

''Do you think they're going to make up soon?'' Owen asked Seaver another day at the mess hall.

''I hope so,'' Seaver said, ''but it's been lasting so long.''

''We should say something to them.''

''We should stay out of it.''

''But...''

Seaver sighed. ''It's none of our business, Owen. They'll have to work it out themselves.''

But for Owen, that simply wasn't good enough. They were acting like small children, and they weren't thinking about how they affected others; they were putting their happiness on the line for no reason at all along with the peace of mind of everyone else around them.

''Why are you angry with Kel?'' Owen asked Neal later that night.

''It's none of your business,'' Neal said, his voice terse.

''You both are my friends,'' Owen said, ''so how is it not my business?''

''Owen...'' Neal was clenching his fists inside of his pockets, trying to contain his anger.

''What?'' Owen was unfazed by the glare Neal was giving him, and just as determined as ever.

Owen was a great friend, but there was many a time where he didn't pick things up when he should have. This was one of those times.

Neal sighed, trying to keep his cool and not show the wounds that were still bleeding inside of him. It was times like these that Neal wished he had Kel's ability to hide emotion.

''I just don't want to talk about it, Owen,'' he said, his voice soft with the heartbreak that still lay inside of him and breaking slightly from the tears he was holding inside of his throat.

Owen detected some of this. He decided not to skirt around the topic and asked frankly, ''Do you want to make up with her?''

''Yes.''

''Then why don't you?''

''Because...''

''Because why?''

''She probably is still angry with me; she probably won't want to make up. And... I don't know if I can.''

''How do you know that?''

''Because... I just do. I know Kel.''

Owen looked doubtful. ''I think you should make up with her,'' he said. ''It's been too long. You should at least try.''

Meanwhile, Kel was going to her mother for guidance. Their fight was taking its toll on her. She was getting easily distracted; she was thinking about Neal all the time; she was constantly debating whether she should go and mend her relationship with Neal. And her mother was perfect with things like that.

As soon as her mother saw Kel, she knew Kel had a problem.

''A boy?'' Ilane asked Kel.

Kel nodded forlornly.

''Tell me your problem,'' Ilane said.

Kel proceeded to tell her mother how they fought, and how they now didn't speak to each other.

''I want to make up with him, Momma,'' she said. ''I really do; I love him. I just don't know how.''

''Is it that?'' Ilane asked, ''or are you just too afraid to try?''

Kel sighed; her mother knew her so well. ''I'm afraid he won't love me back.''

''Of course he'll still love you back,'' Ilane said. ''He's probably feeling the same way as you are.''

''But what if he doesn't want to make up?''

Ilane put her hand on Kel's shoulder. ''Then that's his fault, and you're better off without him.''

Kel looked down and said nothing.

''If you don't try, you'll never know,'' Ilane said. ''You'll always wonder.''

The next day, Kel approached Neal's door, her heart thundering in her chest.

He was just as beautiful as ever, and she knew she loved him just as much. She felt an ache swell in her chest, the ache that came from the hurt of their separation.

She knew that she was going to get this out of the way as soon as she possibly could. She wasn't going to sugarcoat it. Plus, if she didn't say it right away, she didn't know she was going to say it at all.

''Neal,'' she said as soon as he opened the door, ''I'm sorry.''

It came out rushed, jumbled and barely coherent. But she knew Neal had heard her. Kel felt her heart jump in her throat as Neal studied her.

Then he broke his gaze, and looked at the ground. Kel, for a horrible second, wondered if he didn't love her anymore.

But then he looked up at her, and his gaze melted.

''I'm sorry, too.'' His voice was a whisper, but it echoed loudly in her ears.

''This was so stupid,'' Kel said.

''I know.''

''I love you.''

''I love you, too.''

Neal pressed his lips onto Kel's. As they kissed they knew that all was forgotten.

**Okay, so I finally got this out. I haven't updated in forever, I know, and I am so sorry. It's just that there's been a ton of stuff in my life that has gotten in the way of this and… I'll try to update better next time. Unfortunately, In Her Darkest Hour will probably have a while to be updated too. My apologies. Well, please review on this. **


	20. Scenario 20'When I Was Little He'

Scenario 20- ''When I Was Little, He...'' 

''I'm not ready yet.''

That's the response that Kel always gave Neal whenever he broached the subject of making love. Whenever she gave it, she gave it with a sharp voice that clearly communicated that she did not want to broach the subject further.

She always was more aloof to him afterward. She became skittish whenever his touch went below her waist, or above it. A look of panic would enter her eyes and she would vigorously shake her head and say, ''Not today, Neal.''

And sometimes, she simply became that way at random, unpredictable moments. There were moments when she was cold toward his romantic advances, and he could not act like anything more than a friend to her.

There were times when she asked him why he wanted to be with her, and there were times he felt like he didn't know. He knew that he loved her but he just didn't know if she really loved him.

After all, before him, she would often have multiple lovers that were frequently changed.

That was why he didn't understand why she couldn't be with him.

But Kel wanted to be with him. She wanted to make him happy; she wanted to love him properly and she wanted to show her love properly.

She welcomed his kisses; she basked in how beautiful they made her feel. But whenever it extended beyond that Kel would feel her body tense.

Her mind would race back to fourteen years before, fourteen years before when another man's hands had went in places that they never should have, places she never wanted them to go. Fourteen years before when her brother's would rove over her undeveloped breasts and the laces that would undo her dresses. Fourteen years before when Conal would drive her to the darkest of darkest holes, a place where she was helpless, inferior and no longer innocent.

She did not want to visit that place again, but she could not help it. If she could tell anyone, she would tell Neal; she wanted to tell Neal but she couldn't.

''Why won't you love me?'' he asked her one day in frustration, as she refused to let him touch her once again.

The question was a slap in the face to Kel. The ache to tell him, to tell _someone_, consumed and suffocated her, cutting off her ability to speak.

When she tried to, the words froze on her tongue. Her words were choked off by the sutures Conal had used to cut off her voice. So instead she let out a cry.

That was followed by a series of cries, cries that had turned into sobs in a short amount of time.

It had unnerved him to watch her fall apart so quickly, when she was so strong. Immediately guilt coursed through him and hit him like cold water thrown on a sleeping self.

He had embraced her and she didn't stop him. Her sobs drenched his tunic; they reverberated and ached within him.

The absolute agony that was within them broke his heart, especially since he had caused them.

''I'm sorry,'' he whispered, as he held her tight.

She was sorry, too. She was sorry beyond what words could say. She wanted to love him to the depth she knew she should; she just didn't know how. She would have told him how sorry she was, but the tears had blocked her capacity to speak.

In that moment, she was filled with disgust at herself. She was ugly; any beauty she could have ever had he had defiled. She felt weak; any strength she had was dashed by him before it had the chance to grow. She felt so scared; any bravery she possessed had fled at his touch.

It was then that Kel had decided that she would make Neal happy, or at the very least try. She would show him how much she loved him, because he had showed him how much he had loved her.

He had stayed with her for so long, for reasons that Kel could not even begin to understand. He had stayed with _her_- a girl who was ugly, strange and constantly aloof. He loved her so much, gave her so much, and yet she gave him nothing.

She knocked on his door. ''I'm sorry,'' she said, as he opened the door.

''For what?''

She hated how he looked as if he honestly had no clue. She knew he was pretending, and that he once again was trying to hide his own hurt.

Once again, she felt a flash of anger at herself for _once again _being the cause for that hurt.

''You know what,'' Kel said, looking down.

Neal instantly felt a flash of guilt consume him. ''You shouldn't be sorry,'' Neal said. ''I should be. I pushed you too hard.''

''Why are you with me?'' she asked him, for what seemed to him like the millionth time.

He stroked her cheek and painfully shut his eyes. ''Kel...''

''Do you even know?''

He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. ''I'm with you because you are the most beautiful, most selfless, strongest girl I ever knew in my life, and I love you.''

The earnestness in his eyes was so bright that hurt her to look at, so she looked away. His compliments were undeserved, as his lavish words were so far from the truth. ''Why? Why would love _me_?'' she asked him, her voice hoarse with her own self-disgust.

The self-disgust in her voice broke his heart. He wondered how she could be so strong and have so much of it, and why she had so much of it in the first place. ''I just told you.''

She looked at him with a look of intense sorrow. ''You don't deserve me, Neal.''

''Don't say that, Kel.''

''It's true,'' Kel said. ''I don't give you nearly as much as I should, and you give me so much.''

Neal looked down, and both of them knew that he could not refute what she had said. He had wanted so much for her to love him and to love him freely and unthinkingly; while part of him doubted Kel's love for him, the other knew that she loved him and was expressing it in the only way that she knew how.

''But I'm going to love you,'' she said. ''I'm going to love you now, Neal, and I'm going to show it.''

Suddenly, she placed her lips on his and shoved him back. He kissed her back, absentmindedly closing the door as she pushed him onto the bed.

She unbuttoned his shirt, and he started to unbutton hers.

She felt the bile collect in her throat as her shirt came off of her. She did her best to enjoy the anticipation of what was to come, but could not.

She could not bring herself to see that sex was a good thing, and that you did it with the men you loved. She could not bring herself to see past the image that when someone you loved did that to you, it was the deepest, blackest sort of betrayal.

Kel had done this plenty of times before, as a woman. She had done it in the attempt of trying to make her see it as something as good, as enjoyable. She hadn't loved those men; they hadn't loved her. She knew they didn't want anything from her but an escape from their sorry lives (because she knew they hadn't done it for her body. She wasn't pretty enough for that) as she tried to do the same. In the end, she had always felt numb not afraid.

The idea of doing it with a stranger was different than doing it with someone she had loved. It made her feel sick all over again, betrayed all over again.

She couldn't help but see Conal's hands all over her again, pushing her down and invading her. Neal's hands felt cold and heavy on her body; she felt as if she could not breathe with their obtrusive presence. Little things had made her feel snippets of it, but something as big as this was making her feel as if she was living the whole thing once more.

She started shaking, and whimpering. Tears and broken sobs fell from her cheeks and out of her mouth in a rapid torrent, as she feebly pushed away his hands.

''No,'' she said, her voice broken with her sobs and desperate fear. ''Please don't.''

She felt his hands jerk away, and then reappear on her shoulder. She screamed, and desperately began shaking her head.

''Kel,'' he said, his voice shaky.

She looked up at him, and her reverie quickly broke. His green eyes were full of shock, horror and concern; his clothes were on. It immediately hit her that this was Neal _not _Conal.

The fear still reverberated within her, but it was now accompanied by a wave of shame. She had not been able to show how much she loved him; she had not made him happy.

''I tried,'' she said, her voice breaking.

''I'm sorry…'' he said again, his self- disgust burrowed back to the surface. ''I didn't mean to…''

He had never meant to hurt her. He had never wanted to hurt her. Her reaction was the last thing he had expected from her; if she would show him fear, he expected her to be afraid of her first time but it seemed she had been afraid of _him_. He would never have forced her, and he had thought she knew that.

Was that what this about then? Was this really not about her lack of love for him but of her abundance of fear?

But why was she afraid?

A knock had sounded at the door. ''What's going on in here?'' someone asked.

Ducking her head in shame, Kel hastily put her shirt back on and ran out the door.

''What happened?'' a man asked, his voice suspicious.

''I don't know,'' he answered, his voice filled with the self-disgust he was feeling inside. ''I don't know what I did.''

The ever-present pain in Kel's heart sloshed inside of her. The feelings of hurt, of fear, of shame, of being absolutely alone in this, brewed cataclysmically to create a hurricane of emotions. They were all of the emotions that she had done her best to internalize, and to bury away.

She had revealed them all to Neal. She had showed him her hurricane, and then she had left him.

She debated whether or not she should leave him. It became so clear to Kel that he had deserved so much better than her. That he would be so much better off without the mess of a woman that she was.

And then another thought occurred to her. Maybe she should tell, and let him decide for himself.

The first thought she had to this was an absolute refusal.

He couldn't know. He wouldn't understand. He would finally see the ugly, naked truth that was Kel and he would leave, finally realizing that it was so stupid of him to stay with this stupid, ugly, dirty girl.

But he deserved an explanation. Maybe, by telling this, she might even help herself by finally releasing this internal hurricane (even if the results were negative, they would still know and she wouldn't have to wonder how they would react).

So with shaking hands, she knocked on his door the next morning.

Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was disheveled.

''I'm sorry,'' he said immediately, his voice breaking with remorse, ''I never meant to…''

She looked away from him. ''It's not your fault,'' she said. ''It's mine.''

''No, Kel, I…''

She took a breath of air before she finally began to tell him the truth. ''And his.''

A sick feeling shot through him at the implications of her words. He remembered how she had acted the day before. He remembered how hard she had trembled and whimpered at his touch, how broken and desperate her pleads had sounded, the amount of terror in her whimpers and in her shriek as he….

He would never, ever hurt her, especially in such a sickening, abominable way. The fact that anyone ever could, the fact that someone _did_, made him sick to his stomach.

He felt weak to his knees, and knew that if he stood here any longer he would fall.

''Come in,'' he said.

She complied, anxiety all over her face.

They both took a seat at the bottom end of his cot.

''I love you, Neal,'' she said, ''and I'm sorry that so many times I don't show that to you.''

''I figure I owe you an explanation for yesterday,'' she said.

''You don't have to, if you don't…''

''I do,'' she said.

There was a brief silence.

''It started when I was three,'' she said, her voice trembling. ''My earliest memory is of him taking my dress off. He started…touching me.''

Neal flinched, and part of him wished he didn't have to hear this.

Three years old? _Three_? That was… horrible beyond words.

''But he didn't do anything more than that then,'' she continued, '' I remembered how it felt wrong and how it hurt, but I thought that if he was my brother then he wouldn't do something like that.''

''Which brother?''

''Conal.''

Neal felt a flash of anger course through him. ''Wasn't he the one who held you over the balcony?''

''Yes,'' she said, looking away. ''Because I refused him. The balcony used to be the only thing that gave me peace after everything he did and he ruined that too.''

Neal saw tears well up in her eyes, and it broke his heart. She continued on anyway, though, even though her voice trembled. ''My parents saw him. They were so angry at the fact that he was holding me over the balcony, that they didn't even see where his hands were.''

Neal shuddered. He was sickened and angered by this; he had the urge to find this Conal now and make him pay for what he did.

''They said they would disown him if he did it again,'' Kel said, her voice started to shake again. ''But he did, every time he visited us.''

''You never told anyone?'' he asked, his voice breaking along with his heart.

''No,'' she said. ''I was too... I didn't know how, even when it got worse.''

''Worse...how?'' He couldn't help but ask; he didn't see how it could be any worse than what she just told him.

''He would rub up against me, sometimes, when I didn't have my dress on. At first he had his breeches. But.. then he didn't. He would force me on the bed and...''

By this point, she was sobbing again and harder than before. As Neal put his arms around her, she started to sob even harder. For a while, they sat like that as Kel continued to sob.

''I'm sorry,'' Kel said, as soon as she was able to speak.

''What could _you_ possibly be sorry for?'' First and foremost, it was Conal's fault. But he was sorry, too, and rightfully so. He, after all, had had such angry thoughts about her in her aloof moments.

''For what I ever did to you.''

''Kel, you didn't...''

''I didn't love you hard enough. I wanted to... I still want to. I just don't know how.''

''I know.''

She looked up at him, her eyes boring right into him. ''I thought... I thought you would break up with me after I told you.''

''Why would you think that?''

''Because you would realize how much better you are without me.''

''No,'' he said, shaking his head and taking her hand. ''I would never, ever think that, Kel.''

She looked away from him. ''I love you, Neal.''

''I love you, too, Kel. Things will get better for you, not completely all right but better... I'm going to help you get better.''

''All right.''

**Okay, so there was a lot to write about here and I don't know if I wrote it completely and accurately as I should have. I am proud that I wrote it so quickly, though, especially considering the length and the In Her Darkest Hour I was working on. Please read and review. **


	21. Scenario21'Our Daughter Wants to Become'

Scenario 21- ''Our Daughter Wants to Become a Lady Knight.''

Kel's daughter, Alanna, was the spitting image of her mother. The eyes, the smile, the way that that they held themselves... All were things that they held in common with each other.

But Alanna was also like her mother in other ways. She also shared her mother's compassion, her mother's determination and her mother's skill.

Since she was young, she had dreamed of being a lady knight. It proved not to be a phase for Alanna; the dream only solidified as she got older. Her main reason for wanting to be a knight was wanting to help others, for wanting to stand up and protect the small just as her mother did.

Kel was proud, and supportive of her daughter's dreams. But Neal... He was completely against it.

Knighthood had too many rigors for his little girl. Plus he had seen Kel being hazed and ridiculed for being a girl; he didn't want Alanna to go through that.

And the biggest reason of all... His brothers. Despite all the years that had passed since their deaths, he sometimes woke up with the wounds aching just as strong as ever. Their deaths had scarred his family, and almost tore it apart.

He had barely managed to recover from their deaths. They had died with honor; they had fallen in the line of duty. But that didn't make it any easier. If anything, it made it worse.

The thought of Alanna putting herself in that kind of danger made him sick to his stomach. But the idea of her... ending up like his brothers... That thought Neal could not even begin to fathom.

If Alanna ended up like her late uncles, Neal could never recover. Ever. His mother never really did, and his father only recovered partially. Being a parent was what made it easier to conceptualized what his parents had to go through.

He was definitely not against girls becoming knights; he was just against_ his_ girl becoming a knight.

It was an issue that he had the opportunity to put off for a long time, until Alanna's tenth birthday.

''Our daughter wants to become a lady knight,'' Kel informed Neal. ''Page training resumes in the fall.''

''No, absolutely not.''

Kel was not surprised by his reaction, as similar reactions ensued every time Alanna brought up her dream. ''You're going to have to let Alanna go sometime,'' Kel told her.

''No.''

''Neal...''

''I will not allow her to do this, Kel!''

''Neal, it's her dream,'' Kel said. ''She's wanted to do it since she was little and I can tell that she's serious about it.''

''She can find a different dream, then.'' It wasn't that hard. After his brothers were killed, he had done it easily enough.

''Neal, you can't...''

''Knighthood is _dangerous_, Kel. And she'll be hazed and the rigors...''

''I handled it. I'm sure she can too.''

''No. She's not going to be a knight.''

''What do you want her to be then?''

''Something safe.''

''Like what- a noblewoman?''

''There's nothing wrong with that.''

''I agree. The life a noblewoman would be a life that would satisfy many girls. Alanna isn't one of them.''

''I'm not limiting to her to the life of a noblewoman. Who am I, the Stump? There are various other things she could do with her life. _Safe_ things.''

''I don't think Alanna would be satisfied with _safe_, either. I certainly know that I was never was.''

''Kel, I will not let her be a knight, even if I have to run in front of the horse that will get her there. That's the end of it.''

And with that, Neal turned away from Kel and left.

Kel sighed. Neal had good intentions but he did not grasp how cruel he was being. Alanna being denied the chance to be a knight would be devastating to her. Knighthood was in her heart, her blood and even her name.

She also knew how incredibly determined her daughter was, just as she was. If Alanna wanted knighthood enough, she would find a way to get it. She would find a way to successfully convince her father if she truly wanted to.

Alanna did go trying to convince her father.

''Daddy,'' she said, ''I know you don't want me to go but...''

''It's not just that I don't want you to go,'' Neal said. ''You're not going. At all.''

Alanna was prepared for this. She had prepared a speech in front of a mirror, and decided to give it to her father. Alanna was better with numbers than with words, but still she tried to present all of the reasons that she wanted to be a knight. ''Father,'' she said, ''Knighthood will give me a sense of purpose. A knight defends honor and protects the small and there's nothing more I could imagine wanting to do with my life.

''Also it will give me a sense of freedom...''

''So you want to get away from us?'' Neal asked.

Alanna flinched. She had realized she said the wrong thing. That wasn't what she meant at all. ''Fighting does. There's nothing more freeing than riding horseback or fighting with a glaive.''

''You can still do that for fun,'' Neal said. ''It's just that you can do something else for your occupation. Something less hazardous.''

''I've wanted to do this my whole life,'' Alanna said. ''It feels like the right thing to do, combining two things I love the most.''

''It doesn't feel like the right thing to me,'' Neal said. ''Besides, interest changes. What you want now you may not want as an adult. How do you know that you will want to be a knight when you're older?''

''I've wanted to be a lady knight my whole life. Why would it change as I got older?''

Her reasoning was getting to Neal, and he didn't like it. He had to keep his ground; he couldn't let her become a knight. Because she just couldn't become a knight. ''Because things change, Alanna. Sometimes things happen and you're not the person that you used to be. Sometimes it's gradual and sometimes it's sudden but… You never know when some things happen.''

Alanna noted with great shock as her father's eyes voice shook and he looked away.

''You're not becoming a knight,'' he said, his voice much softer now with the sadness within it.

Neal left the room then, leaving Alanna stunned.

Neal was running out of reasonable reasons to why Alanna shouldn't be a knight. Alanna had not said a word to him since their confrontation, but the looks she gave him were enough. There was a pleading look in her eye, and Neal couldn't look at her.

_She gave up. She couldn't have been that serious about it if she gave up on it. _But he knew the truth. Alanna was smart. She knew that going to him now would not help her case; she would go to him in a moment of lucidity and when her word has sunk in enough.

He thought about considering it. But then his memories, his parental fears, came rushing in and that was ruled out of the realm of possibility.

Then one day, he stumbled upon Alanna practicing wielding her glaive one day. He stood there and truly studied her.

She was completely absorbed in it, putting all of her energy and passion and devotion into it. Neal watched her with awe; it was a long time since he had watched her do her exercises and he was amazed at how much she had improved. His eyes were on each jab, each small movement that she did.

She was a natural, and she always had been. She already had an incredible amount of talent, one that could be refined and increased with training. With her amount of speed, strength and grace, she would go far.

And she loved it, that much was obvious. Her passion radiated from her as she did her exercise.

It was at that moment that he realized how truly horrible it was for him to hold her back from the future she wanted so badly and the future she would greatly prosper from. He had to let her go, and hope that things would turn out for the best.

Alanna turned around. ''Dad, why are you...''

He never came to her exercises, because they always argued about Alanna's possibility of knighthood.

''You can become a lady knight,'' he said. ''I'll support you becoming a lady knight.

Alanna's first reaction was shock. Her eyebrows lifted and her jaw dropped. Then she beamed and for a moment she was speechless.

''Thank you, Daddy,'' she said. ''Thank you.''

The words felt hollow to Neal, as did Alanna's embrace. He felt she was slipping away from him already, out of his reach and out from any protection he could have given to her.

He gripped her harder, and looked away from him, in an attempt to hide his tears from her.

**This was an idea that I had for a long time and decided to put in here. I hoped you liked it. In some evil fit of irony, events have made it even **_**harder**_** for me to update despite the season. I will do my best to update though; I'm already halfway through my next chapter of In Her Darkest Hour and I should get it out soon. **


	22. Scenario 22 'She's Dead'

Scenario 22- ''…She's Dead.''

Kel's mouth gaped in horror as Baird told her the news. ''I'm sorry,'' he said. ''She's gone. There's nothing we could have done for her. She had lost too much blood when she got here.''

''No,'' she said. ''It can't be.''

''I know she was your friend. I'm sorry.''

''How are we going to tell Neal, Baird?''

''I don't know...''

_Stone_, she thought to herself, as she had so many times in the past. _I am a stone. _

Yuki wouldn't want her to be showing her emotion so openly. She would have to wait until she was alone until she could cry.

''It isn't something that could be conveyed in a letter,'' Kel said.

''No,'' Baird said, his eyes distant. ''It isn't.''

The invasion was something that no one had predicted. The prince and princess had come to the camp, because everyone thought they would be safe there. And it was attacked. Apparently one of the spies was bribed and leaked the whereabouts of the prince and princess. They came after Shinkokami and Yuki had protected her.

She had paid the price of loyalty with her life.

She would be deeply honored for this sacrifice, deemed posthumously a hero by both Tortall and the Yamani Islands. But this fact did not do anything to lessen the pain, or the loss. Yuki had left behind not only Neal, but their three children.

''What about...''

''The children have all ready been told.''

She wrestled with her urge to cry and her need to become stone. They were all so young; it was unfair that they should be robbed of a mother and learn the cruelties of life at such a young age.

And Neal... He would be devastated. Yuki and their children were his world; without Yuki, his world would have a gaping hole in it.

''I'll give you some time alone,'' Baird said.

All Kel could do was nod. If she spoke, she would cry and she didn't want to do that now.

Silence gave an inaudible boom; Kel's ears were ringing with its emptiness. It gave room for her feelings to crash in around her, and crash they did.

Everything came back to her. The fear and shock that racked inside of her during the attack. The horror of watching Yuki go down an arrow lodged through her. The desperate hope mixed with the frenzied panic as she looked for a healer for Yuki. These were feeling that she was able to push aside then, feelings that she had to put to the side then in order to have a clear and competent head.

Of course, newly forming grief was added to that mixture. And then there was the anxiety and guilt and sorrow at telling Neal. All of that was too much for Kel.

These feelings whirred around in Kel like a hurricane, breaking all of the dams she had ever built inside of herself.

Her face fell into her hands and she started to sob. She didn't even realize it until she felt the wetness in her hands. She stopped for a moment, stunned, and then stared at her hands. It made her cry even harder.

She cried until she had no more tears left. And then, at that point, she forced herself to get up, feeling drained, empty and only half alive.

When Neal came, the first person he went to was Kel. His father was still busy attending to the sick. Also Kel was actually there when the attack occurred; Baird was only called on afterwards.

His knocks echoed in the room frenziedly. Kel woke up disgruntled and confused but when she opened the door…

His face was like a splash of cold water to hers. Fear and desperate hope darkened his eyes and he looked at her like she was his only salvation for… Relief. Good news.

''Where are they?'' he asked, his voice cracking. ''How are they?''

''Neal, I…''

''No,'' he said. ''No. All I got was the letter. It didn't say that they were dead only what happened.''

''The children are fine, Neal. Kuzimi is still healing still but she'll be all right.''

Neal could sense what she had left out. ''Yuki? Where's Yuki?''

Kel couldn't answer. If she did, she would cry and she didn't want to cry in front of Neal. She looked away, and shook her head.

''Where is she?'' he asked, his tears bright in his eyes. He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. ''Where? Where!''

Tears were coursing down his cheeks; he all ready knew, she could tell, but he was hoping she would tell him otherwise. She wished she could tell him what she wanted to here, but she couldn't.

''Neal,'' she said, feeling tears in her own eyes. ''She didn't make it. They came after Shinko and… Yuki took the arrow. She lost too much blood, Neal, apparently, so they couldn't save her. She's dead.''

''No,'' he said, his voice soft with its sorrow. ''No, no, no!'' Each ''no'' increased in volume, and made Kel's throat feel even harder.

''I'm sorry, Neal.''

She hated saying that. It didn't make things any better, didn't change anything. That much was obvious but it wouldn't alleviate any of his grief.

''No,'' he said, his eyes filling with tears. ''She can't be dead, Kel. She's fine. Why would you say that she's dead?''

Kel opened her mouth and then closed it. She didn't know what to say to him; she wished that she was lying and that Yuki was alive, but she wasn't.

She reached out toward him but he turned away. ''No,'' he said. ''Go away.''

She didn't move. He ran away from her suddenly, before she could register what was happening.

Kel flinched, initially feeling hurt. But she knew that Neal needed some time to be alone, so she walked back into her rooms.

Neal knocked on Kel's door, his hands shaking. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing, considering how he had treated Kel yesterday and that his children were all asleep in his quarters. But he needed her now, needed something, because the blackness had began to gnaw at him as soon as it all sunk in.

She opened the door after the second knock. He looked like a mess, and it broke Kel's heart. His eyes were bloodshot with shadows under them; his clothes were wrinkled; his hair was uncombed and greasy.

All she had to do was take one glance at him, and she automatically put her arms around him.

He started to sob against her; his tears soaking through her tunic. She felt her throat grow hard with the metallic sting of tears about to form(tears that she did not let form), for the true weight of this tragedy crashed upon her once again.

''What will I do?'' he asked with a quavering and raspy voice. His voice was so forlorn and pain-stricken that she almost started to cry too.

''We have to stay strong, Neal, and we have to get through this,'' she said. ''We can only let our tears escape when no one else can see them. Your children have all ready lost their mother; they can't lose a father too.''

''How will we do that?''

''I don't know.'' She hated this answer, but she didn't know what other answer to give.

Neal let himself cry on her shoulder until he felt the need to do so no longer. His mouth didn't need to say thank you; she nodded as his eyes told her. She squeezed his shoulder as he left.

The worst of what they had to face was yet to come, Kel knew. There would be plenty of other times like or worse than this.

**Okay, so I tried to get this through the best I could.. Some bad news: I'm going to be out of town for two weeks and where I'm going doesn't have Internet access(although it DOES have a computer so I will be able to write). I'll do the best I can though; maybe I can get another scenario in before I go. The updates after that will probably be a lot shorter in wait. Anyway, please review on this one. **


	23. Scenario 23 'I Left Him'

Scenario 23- ''I Left Him.'' 

Kel used to love Dom; there was a time when she loved him very much and she felt like he loved her in return. And there was a time when Dom used to treat her like a princess, waiting on her hand and foot. But that was a time that felt forever ago to them now; that was a time that was so unlike now.

He wasn't there most of the time. Kel would just be at home and she would feel an emptiness descend upon her that tore apart her heart. She had felt so useless, helpless, without a purpose.

But when he was there… He would scream at her, demanding if she had been with one of the servants while he was gone. And when she said no, he called her a liar and a stupid slut.  
Dom had made her quit being a knight, saying that someone had to look after the house. It was a request that she had denied for a long time; only he was persuasive, and- to the surprise of her family- she eventually gave into his request. It was the greatest mistake of her life.

Sometimes she would dream that she was still a knight. Or that she could possibly return to knighthood.

But Dom had sacrificed the Own for her, when they got married. Knighthood was something she should have to sacrifice too, naturally. Right?

She tried to justify him. She tried to justify everything that he took away from her, all the freedoms she'd left behind for him, all of the family and friends that he didn't allow her to see. But there was some days when she stared at the window and started to cry, days that came about when she couldn't think of a reason. She would look back on who she used to be and she hated herself for who she was now.

Neal was the only friend of hers that was allowed to visit the two of them on a regular basis. He saw Kel and his heart broke; she was far from the woman he remembered her to be but was now a broken shell. When he looked at her, he hated his cousin for what he did to her.

He approached her one night. ''Kel,'' he asked her, ''what happened?''

She blinked, uncomprehending. ''I don't understand.''

He shook his head, his eyes sad. ''You should leave him.''

She looked away from him. ''I can't.''

''Has he hurt you?''

''No.'' That was the automatic answer she gave; her parents had asked the same thing and she gave the same answer to them too. He hadn't ever hit her, but the things that he had hurt her all the same. Every insult that he threw at her were like barbs that tore apart her heart and silenced her tongue.

But it was like he read her mind. ''There's more than one way to hurt someone, Kel,'' Neal said. ''Not just hitting but… With words.''

She didn't say anything but tore her gaze from him.

He cut her off from her off from almost everyone she loved. He took away the one thing she loved the most and replaced it with himself. He threw words and slurs at her that made her curl up at night and sob. But no, he didn't hurt her. Somehow… He didn't hurt her. He didn't hurt her._ He didn't hurt her. _

Somehow she forced herself to believe this. Somehow, Dom forced her to believe this.

Neal cursed while she stood there silently.

''He never respected women, Kel,'' he said. ''I should have known he never was going to respect you. But he was so godsdamn convincing.''

''I…He…''

''His father beat his mother when he was little, did you know that? She almost died from it, when I was thirteen. That was when she finally left him.''

Kel was speechless. He never told her that. She thought that he told her everything.

''He never hit me,'' she said finally.

''He could,'' Neal said. ''That sort of abuse can turn into…''

''He never hurt me,'' she said.

''Oh Kel…'' Neal said. ''You have to leave him.''

''No.''

''Oh Kel, please...''

''I've already tried,'' she said. ''Twice. I can't leave him. I love him.''

Neal shook his head. ''You could try again.''

''I don't want to. I love him and he loves me.''

Neal's eyes looked sad. He knew that Kel was in denial; he knew that his cousin had so thoroughly wrapped his friend in a web of lies that she was blind to the truth. Years ago, she seemed invincible and unbreakable. She was so determined and now it seemed that she had no passion, no... anything except for devotion to her husband. Years ago, he never would have thought that something like this could ever happen. He wondered how it could all happen so quickly.

''Just...think about it,'' he said.

It sounded lame. He knew that Kel was in denial and needed help. But he also knew that you couldn't help someone unless they wanted to be helped. Kel had to want what she deserved.

So Neal left, without another word. He had a feeling that if Dom found out about that conversation, he wouldn't let Neal come over again.

He didn't visit Kel until three months later. At that point, Dom started visiting home more often. Each time he came home, he was angrier and his words were louder, more volatile.

''You stupid bitch!'' he would yell at her. ''You get to sit on your lazy ass here all day while I have to fucking work for a living. Wait, I take that back. You're probably fucking all of the servants like the stupid cunt you are.''

And then the insults would come, washing away any resistance that she would have toward him.

''You're ugly,'' he would tell her. ''You're stupid. You're lucky that I have you because it's not like any other guy would.''

At moments like this, she would shut her eyes and will it away. She would try to block out the sound although the insults were thrown like needles to her heart, and she would be jerked back into full awareness.

Just when she decided that she didn't want to take any more of this, he would come up to her and act like the man that he married. He would take her into his arms, kissing her hair and telling her how sorry he was. And every time, she believed him and fell under his spell once more.

It was after a particularly ugly incident that made her think of what Neal had said. It was one particular night when Dom had crossed the last of boundaries that she had made for herself.

''I know you did it!'' he yelled at her. ''I know you're cheating on me. You ungrateful little...''

Dom paused, caught up in all of his fury. And Kel stared off into the distance, once more trying to block him out. Once more, she had convinced herself that blocking the fight out would make him go away.

''You aren't appreciative of what you have,'' he said, beginning to shake her. ''I gave you everything and you... You aren't even listening to me!''

And then he hit her. He slapped her across the face. Somehow, it was this action that had brought tears to her eyes when no words could. She thought of what Neal said, about Dom's mother, and she was suddenly filled with fear.

And then Dom pressed his lips on hers and started to fiercely kiss her. It felt so brutal though, not like the gentle kisses he usually gave her.

She pushed him away, arms shaking. ''No,'' she said.

She ran away from him, but he ran after her. He grabbed her.

''Let me go,'' she said.

But he wouldn't, and he kept shaking her. ''You selfish...''

She didn't hear him; she couldn't hear him. She just wanted it to end. She was sobbing; she felt the tears fall down her cheeks. Yet she felt distant from it somehow, removed, like it couldn't be happening to her.

He let her go, and she ran. She wished she could have fought him off, but she didn't know how to anymore.

She went to her room and sobbed, once everything hit her.

She loved him, but she couldn't do this anymore. She was leaving; she had to leave. She didn't have anything to grab, so she decided to just leave. She knew that he would stop her, so she had to leave at a time when he wouldn't detect it.

He left Masbolle in the morning, off to his job. She left a little after he did, leaving behind a note.

She went to Queenscove, since it only took a couple of days to ride there.

She knocked on the door, hands shaking. She hoped that he would answer, because she didn't know what to do. She just left… She didn't really think through any of it, like she would have years ago.

He answered the door and his face was full of shock when he saw her. ''Kel? What are you doing here?''

''I left him.''

Neal immediately hugged her. She began to sob on his shoulder, as everything began to set in. They stood like that for a while, until she calmed down.

''It's going to be all right,'' Neal told her. ''You're out of there. There are places for you. The worst is over.''

She started to cry again, and he consoled her.

He led her inside. He wondered what atrocity could have finally made her decide to leave, and decided that he couldn't think about it. She was going to be all right and that was all mattered.

**Sorry it took so long to update. The beginning was kind of slow going for me... It was also pretty hard for me to make Dom such a monster, because I'm pretty K/D. I was planning to make this prompt completely different but it just turned out this way(it was boring before). I hope you K/D fans don't hate me too much. Please review. **


	24. Scenario 24 'She Needs Us'

Scenario 24- ''She Needs Us.''

Ellianne came through the door awkwardly, a servant silently bringing in her possessions behind her. Her parents were glaring at her, and she didn't know what to say to them.

Her father was glaring at her, his green eyes boring into her. Her mother shook her head at her, refusing to look at her, and in many ways that was even worse.

Ellianne knew that she had royally messed up; she knew that before she had even lay her eyes on her parents.

But she... Life was hard, harder than any of her parents could comprehend. It was a struggle to live up to her mother and father, and it was even hard to live up to the fact that she was not even a morsel as good as they were. So she had resorted to things that she shouldn't have, and she was here now.

''Why did they do this?'' Kel asked, her voice soft with disappointment. ''What did you do to be kicked out of page training?''

''They didn't say?'' Ellianne asked incredulously. ''What did they say then?'' She was pretty sure that they would have told her parents, considering the graveness of the situation.

''That they had no choice,'' Neal said, through clenched teeth. ''That they could no longer keep you.''

''What did you do?'' her mother asked.

She wasn't planning on this. She didn't plan on telling them; she didn't think she would have to tell them. She felt her stomach twist in fear and in shame. She hang her head; she couldn't meet either of her parent's eyes.

''What did you do!'' That was her father this time. He rarely yelled, but he was now. His indignant roar brought tears to her eyes.

''I'm sorry,'' she said, her voice quavering with tears that she was trying so hard to suppress. ''I'm so sorry.''

''I...'' she said. But the words remained still on her lips. It was a truth she could not bare to face, and one that she could not bring herself to say aloud.

''I...'' she tried again and still the words did not come. Her sobs were racking her body and her words were barely comprehensible.

And then the words came, soft but striking with their own type of thunder bolts.

Neal looked at the ground, his mouth in a pinched line. He could not believe what Ellianne did, could not believe how she so easily tossed out the life she was formerly working so hard to build. For the past couple of days, he could not speak to her, could not even stand to look at her. Kel put her hand on his arm, stopping him as he was about to pace.

''Neal, stop this,'' Kel said. ''She's our daughter and she made a mistake.''

''A mistake?'' Neal said, chuckling bitterly. ''That's the understatement of the century. A mistake. No fucking duh.''

Kel shook her head. ''Not now, Neal,'' she said. ''Don't pull this now.''

''But she...she...she...''

''I know what she did,'' Kel said, looking at the ground. ''And I can't believe she did it, either. What, do you think I'm not upset either? Do you think I wanted this, Neal? Do you?''

''You're acting like it's no big deal,'' he said. ''Like it's nothing. Like she didn't just throw her life away.

''I don't know how this happened. She was so intelligent, so street-smart and... She was so determined. And you... You talked to her about those matters, didn't you? Still, she just went and...''

''_Neal_. Stop it. Blaming each other will do nothing to fix this.'' Kel was getting fed up with him now. He was mulling over this, like...like...like... He was so disappointed in her. And of course, Kel was too, because she _did_ know better than this. But he looked _disgusted_ with her. Kel was disappointed, but she could never be disgusted at her daughter. She loved Elianne too much. Besides she could tell Elianne was sorry, even though they both knew that it would do nothing to fix the situation.

''Oh gods, I thought my daughter knew better than to act like a godsdamn whore!'' he exclaimed.

''Neal!''

He looked remorseful then, and ashamed. He hung his head. ''I'm sorry but... Kel...''

Now it was Kel's turn to get angry. ''She's your _daughter_. She made a mistake. A big one but... There's no need to punish her like this. She'll be punished enough in the months to come.''

''She went screwing around and now... look what happened! Gods, I thought we taught her to be more responsible!''

''We did,'' Kel said, gritting her teeth. ''And she wasn't. There's nothing we can do about it now, though.''

Neal looked away.

''She's going to have to make a very tough decision right now, Neal,'' Kel said. ''A very hard one to make.''

''She could get rid of it,'' Neal said. ''She could get rid of it and go back with her knight-master.''

''I've always believed in a woman's right to choose,'' Kel said. ''But that's a decision that Elianne will have to live with the rest of her life.''

Neal looked away. ''She could always give it up later.''

''That might be even harder.''

''There isn't any option that sounds good now, Neal,'' Kel said. ''There isn't any easy option now. This is going to be a very hard decision, one that will affect her for the rest of her life.''

''I know,'' Neal said, gritting his teeth. ''Why did she…''

''Wondering and blaming won't do any of us any good, Neal,'' Kel said. ''Being stuck in the past won't either.''

''I still can't believe it.''

''In the next months, we're going to have to I'm sure.''

''Her other sisters did just fine. I would never compare Ellianne to them but… How did they end up fine, and she…''

''Ellianne was always different. She never seemed to be secure like they did. She was never really at peace with herself; she's never really known who she was. As her mother, I've tried to help her but I guess…''

''A baby won't do anything to help that,'' Neal said.

''No,'' Kel said. ''She's probably more unsure than ever.''

There was a pause, before she added, ''She needs us.''

Neal looked away from her. ''I know.''

It was about a week later, and Neal found Ellianne sitting on the edge of the pond with her feet over the water. Her eyes were distant, and there was a fear in them that tore Neal apart. The anger had subsided, and sorrow and disappointment tasted like bitter bile in the back of his throat. But Kel was right. There was nothing he could do about it now, nothing that anyone could do about it now. And it seemed that Ellianne was on the right track, getting herself together, from what Kel had told him.

Kel said she was keeping the baby. She was thinking about it for a long time, and that was the decision she had reached. Now she was trying to think of how she was going to make that happen, how she was going to provide for that baby.

''Ellianne,'' he called.

She turned around, and froze. She was shocked; he had been avoiding her for the past week. She probably thought he was going to get angry at her again, and rightfully so. He sighed as he ran up after her.

She didn't move as he sat down next to her. ''Hey,'' he said.

''Hey,'' she said, her voice quiet and hoarse.

''So you're keeping it?''

She nodded and her eyes got even sadder and more distant. ''Yeah. And I'll raise it, too.''

She looked so world-weary, and defeated like that. There were circles under her hazel eyes, and she was pale and gaunt.

''Whose the father?''

''I…He…''

''You know who he is, don't you?''

The words came out sharp. It was bad enough to get pregnant from a guy you had been dating, but a guy who you had barely or not known…

''Yes,'' she said. ''But it doesn't matter. He made it clear that he wasn't going to be a part of this baby's life. He wasn't ready to be a father; he doesn't want anything to do with me.''

Neal felt a surge of anger shoot through him. He never thought much of men who had skipped out on their fatherhood responsibilities, because they were too irresponsible themselves. But a man like that who was the father of his grandchild (or future grandchild) anyway…. He wanted to throttle him. ''Give me the name of that son-of-a-bitch. Give me his name and I'll…''

''It's no good,'' she said. ''It would be no good to force a father like that on a child.''

''But at least financially…''

''It's… I don't know.''

There was silence, and Ellianne started to cry. The tears flowed down her cheeks, although she didn't register them. Neal put his arm around her shoulders, and felt her body shake against him.

As Ellianne felt his arms around her, she started to cry harder. It reminded her so much of the times she was younger, when Neal would comfort her when she got upset. At the time, it would make whatever hurt she had seem better. Only she was older, and the situation and her well-being could not be mended so easily. That fact hit her heart with lightening bolts, and seemed to make everything that more hopeless.

Neal felt the impact of this, too. He could not tell her that everything was going to be all right, because he was not sure of this and she would be able to sense the emptiness of this promise in his words. She was not a little girl anymore, and she was facing a very adult issue.

But she would always be his little girl. And he would be there for her always, supporting her every decision (even if he did not agree with these decisions, or even if these decisions had disastrous effects).

''I'm here for you,'' he said.

She nodded. He didn't have to say it; she already knew.

**Sorry if it was a bit sappy and unrealistic toward the end, but I didn't know what else to do. Just trying to present a serious topic in the best way that I can. Please review, and tell me you honest opinion. **


	25. Scenario 25 'I Don't Love You Anymore'

Scenario 25- ''I Don't Love You Anymore.''

Conversations felt so flat and lifeless now between them, and it hurt Kel. There was a time when he was the spark that lit up her eye, the smile that extended across her face.

''Hello Kel,'' Neal said.

''Hello Neal,'' she would say.

Then Kalenie and Isannah would follow them, and they would all sit down.

That often was all the said to each other in the course of a day. Dinner time would fall into deep silence.

It was that way ever since Isaac died. Their grief put up wall between them, took away all the motivation from them. Isaac had seemed like both of their reasons for living, and without him... Everything, including their relationship, seemed like it had no point to it.

They should have talked about it; they both knew that. But there seemed no words to say, really. There was only the horror and the shock and the grief, too great and too vast to be expressed.

So they avoided each other, and they tried to talk to each other as little as possible. It was a vain attempt to push back some of the grief, bottle away the feelings that were threatening to eat them alive. Because when they looked at each other, they saw him.

Isaac was six, and he was their only son. He had Kel's eyes and Neal's smile, and so much promise. Everyone would comment on how bright he was for his age, and how much he had to offer to the world.

Every morning, he would go into the stables to see all of the horses. He would give them all treats, and stroke them. There were twenty horses and ponies, and he knew their names and their personalities.

He would ride his pony, Elle, every morning right before breakfast with his manservant. Usually it was just a casual walk, although he would make Elle trot if the weather was nice.

One morning, it started to rain while they were out on the trail. They were turning back when lightening hit.

Elle started to gallop, and the force of it hurtled Isaac off of the saddle. The little boy hit the ground head-first. There was a thud and a sickening crack that his manservant only barely heard in the thunderstorm.

He whistled for help, with Isaac cradled in his arms.

In a wave of hysteria and pandemonium, Isaac was brought back to the house with a healer inside.

Both Kel and Neal would never be able to forget the feeling of leaden, frozen limbs, the feel of a boulder in their throats and of their hearts racing in their chests. Of clutching their fingers and silently begging for a miracle.

It was too late for Isaac. His soul left his body immediately upon impact; for the fall was hard and it snapped his neck upon impact.

Neal remembered hearing Kel scream, and burst out in tears. He was pacing in a separate room, and suddenly he knew.

And then suddenly, he started crying too.

Kalenie and Isannah were there, with him too. Their faces mirrored each other, two sets of green eyes looked in horror at each other. Their identical nine-year-old faces were filled with horror and grief.

''He's dead,'' the healer said, though they all already knew.

Kalenie and Isannah consoled each other, hugging each other and sobbing on each other's shoulders.

Neal couldn't process it, though. It seemed too much that his son, who was here and quite well the night before, was all of the sudden gone. ''No,'' he said, although he knew Isaac was dead. ''It can't be true.''

But it was. And eventually, the fact would seep in. It would ooze through his mind, to his very core. He would wake in the middle of the night, and it would just hit him. It festered in his soul beyond what most would call grief.

He couldn't talk to Kel about it, and Kel couldn't talk to him about it. It was this wall that had been put up between them. Their sorrow was rain that was slowly washing away their marriage.

Neal became more protective of Kalenie and Isannah; it was rare that he would let them leave their sights or be alone.

This was a fact that annoyed Kel tremendously, because she could tell that it was only making things worse for the two of them. It also was a fact that made her get jealous, because she could hardly manage to talk to them or to anyone.

''I want to go out by myself!'' Kalenie had yelled at him. ''Just for a walk.''

''You can't,'' he said. ''I can't walk with you today.''

''It's not that far away, Neal,'' Kel said, her voice hard.

''No.''

''Take Isannah, then,'' Kel said, trying to compromise with him.

''You're still not going,'' Neal said, his voice tight.

''I'm going,'' she said.

''No.''

''Leave me alone!''

She ran out the door, Neal following suit.

Isannah and Kel sat awkwardly at the table, each fuming with anger, sorrow and grief.

As she felt the heat of emotion broil within her, that was when Kel felt it evaporate. That was when she consciously felt their love begin to dissolve.

She began to look into annulling her marriage a year later. When she went to look for a lawyer, she told Neal that she was going to visit her family.

That was the first time she had lied to him before, but the truth was that it was becoming too much to bear to even be in his presence anymore. That it was too hard to keep living a life with him, a life that she no longer wanted to be apart of.

As she left, Kel thought she saw a glint of understanding in his eye. Maybe this is becoming too much for him too, she figured. Maybe it cut him up inside, the fact that the one he had once loved so was now one he could barely stand.

In three months it was all becoming real, the fact that she and Neal would no longer be married by law. And then she had to tell him. There was a part of her that was screaming at her to give their marriage another chance, but the rest of her was determined for it all to end.

''Neal,'' she said, trying so hard to wear her Yamani mask and to keep her voice steady, ''can I talk to you?''

He nodded. A Yamani mask was as good as showing her real emotions. Neal knew that she was about to tell him that upset her, for she knew that was the only reason she put on such a face after such a long time.

''I don't love you anymore,'' she said.

He was not surprised to hear this; he knew what she was going to tell him. He had felt this way too, but it did not shock him that Kel was the one who acted upon it. Still it did not make it any easier to accept.

He turned away, his eyes darkened by the pain that was been simmering within him. ''I know.''

''We're not going to be able to save this marriage, Neal,'' she said. ''I know you don't love me, either.''

''I know.''

''I'm getting this marriage annulled.''

He nodded feebly. ''All right.''

''Custody has been divided.''

He nodded again.

A few weeks later, she left. Neal watched her he could no longer see her, and then went to his rooms.

That was the last time he ever saw her again.

**Okay, so this was not one of my better scenarios. I had a huge case of writer's block with this so that's why it took forever to write. Please read and review; I hope the next one will be better. **


	26. Scenario 26 'This is Wrong'

Scenario 26- ''This is Wrong.''

Once again, Kel felt herself being lifted. She felt as if she were flying with him with his bed as her sky, and every moment with him filled her with ecstasy. He was so beautiful, and he loved her so.

She was perfect for him. She knew it from the time they were both pages. The only problem was that he was married to her friend.

''I love you, Kel,'' he would say, nestled up against her. ''I love you more than anyone in the entire world.''

And she would say the same to him, her heart aching with sincerity. She was sure that he meant it too. The only reason Neal was married to Yuki was because he hadn't realized it sooner.

While she was with him, her heart was only filled with her love of him. But when she was not with him, she was plagued with guilt and disgust too. It was hard to look at Yuki, as she was swamped with guilt of being with her husband and resentment at the fact that she was always the one he would come home to.

He spent most of the year with her though. Except for when he went home, he was with her.

''When I get home, I'll annul the marriage,'' he said.

He never did. He always came up with some excuse, a reason why he was unable to. But eventually he was going to do it. Kel truly believed that.

But did she really want him to? Did she really want to compromise her friendship with Yuki for their love? That was the question that she forced her mind to hold back as he told her this. Of course she wanted to. She loved him and she wanted to be free to show it.

One night Neal had planned a particularly romantic getaway in the forest that surrounded them. They were by the river, and he had candles and a blanket and everything.

It was then the guilt swept through her, more heavily than it did before.

Did he do this with Yuki? she wondered. Was Yuki thinking of him right now? Was she loving and missing him right now?

She turned away from him as he poured wine.

''What's wrong?'' he asked, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She turned around, and for a moment she wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him how wrong it was for them to be together; she wanted to tell him how horrible she felt for it; she wanted to ask him how he do this to Yuki.

But at the same time their love was never so right, she felt wonderful being with him, and she didn't want him to stop loving her. So she smiled and gave him the vague answer, ''Just thinking.''

''About what?'' he asked.

''Work and such,'' she lied.

''I set this all up for you to forget about that,'' he said. ''Don't ruin it.''

And then he kissed her again, and all thoughts about that flew out of her head until the morning afterward.

But when it came back, it came back. Guilt came to her like a nasty hangover, and she could not escape it all day.

As she worked, she thought about what her morals were supposed to be as a knight. And what her morals were supposed to be as a person.

What would my parents think? she thought. Our other friends?

What would I have thought years ago?

She knew they, including her former self, would all be disgusted and disappointed at her. How could Kel, bound by her integrity and her morality in everything that she did, do and continue doing something like this?

But Neal... Oh Neal. He was still beautiful and their love was still so perfect. How could she resist him?

And how could she be so weak and so selfish by not resisting him?

How could she have so little respect for her own morals by giving in to her emotions? Especially when she was known for keeping her head when tackling problems?

So she tried to practice how she would end their relationship.

''Neal,'' she said, to no one. ''I can't do this anymore. It's wrong of us to be together when you have a wife. I love you but I feel too guilty being with you. I can't be with you until you annul your marriage with her.''

She kept saying this over and over and over again, swearing to herself that she was going to tell him this when she next saw him.

But when she did see him those words flew out of her head. She tried to say it, but she forgot how to. And when Neal asked her what she wanted to say she would tell him to forget about it.

Neal and Kel had to go home eventually though, and Neal invited Kel to Queenscove.

This was an invitation she took reluctantly. She and Yuki would be in the same house; Yuki might catch on to her relationship with Kel quicker. But Neal said he could not stand not being near her presence during Midwinter, so she went.

They came together to Queenscove. Neal's children were all very happy to see him, running up to him and embracing him.

He responded warmly in return. Kel watched all of this with the feeling of lead in her stomach. She kept her face smooth as stone as she watched them, and as she greeted them.

The children treated her well and thought of her highly. She was sure that would change when they discovered what she was doing with their father. The thought of them finding out made her feel nauseous.

Being at Queenscove made her feel guiltier and guiltier and guiltier about her relationship. She saw how beautiful and how functional the household was, and thought of how it would be ripped apart when they all knew.

He was not affectionate to Yuki in her presence; he was not affectionate to her in Yuki's presence. Yuki showed no affection for the either of them, but Kel knew that was only because the Yamani culture discouraged showing any emotion.

It was only late at night that Neal came to her bedchambers, to kiss her and to love her. Afterward, Kel would feel sick to her stomach. The fact that he was cheating with her in the house that Yuki and their children shared made her feel more disgusting than ever.

With each passing day, she became surer that their relationship must end. Yet ending it was something she absolutely dreaded; Neal made her feel like no man ever had before.

On the last night she was there, Kel decided to go to the forest to gather her thoughts, to make a final decision.

It was there that she realized that this absolutely could not continue their relationship. Their relationship would have to end, or she would have to destroy everything that held Neal's family together… She'd have to choose one or the other. One of those was inevitable.

No matter how hard it was for her, she would have to end with the relationship. It was that, or live with herself if she didn't.

She had been selfish for so long; she would now have to uphold the morals that had made her who she was.

When he came to her bedchambers on the last night she was there, she shook her head.

''This is wrong.''

After all the complicated speeches, she had made for herself the truth was that simple.

''Kel… Don't do this now.''

''Go.''

''This is our last night here, Kel. Let us have a little bit of fun.''

''No. I shouldn't have let this continue for as long as it has. You're married, Neal, and you're not doing anything to change that.''

''I can't, Kel.''

''Then I can't do this anymore.''

''Don't be like this, Kel. I want you; I love you; I need you.''

''Then you would leave her.''

''The children…''

''Would be horrified if they found out about us.''

''I don't love Yuki anymore. I did once, but love fades. I love you.''

''I love you too, Neal. But that doesn't make this right.''

''Please let me in.''

''If you loved me, Neal, you wouldn't force me to throw away my morals like this.''

He was silent.

''Go.''

''Come to me if you change your mind.''

She was silent as he walked away. She wouldn't change her mind. They both knew that.

When they left the next morning, she made sure to ride far away from him.

**Sorry for the weak ending, and sorry if it's a bit monotonous… I'll try to change up the structure of it for the next one. I'm almost done these, and after this, I'll be taking a break from FFN (as seen on my last story) except for a few oneshots. Anyway… read and review.**


	27. Scenario 27 'I Trusted You'

Scenario 27- ''I Trusted You.''

A whisper. Two. Muttered by a group of mindless noblewomen who knew nothing of the situation. That was how she found out.

She was used to having her name whispered; she was used to being talked about, especially by the likes of them. Usually all she did was keep her face smooth as stone with her Yamani mask, and ignore them.

It was the sound of Neal's name that made her do otherwise.

''Excuse me,'' Kel said, her voice sharp and her head held high. ''Why bring my husband into this?''

The women turned, shocked that she had heard them.

''What were you saying about my husband?"'

''Didn't you hear?'' asked the blonde one, with a smirk stretched wide across her face.

''Hear what?''

''What your husband did with Ranie?''

Ranie was a noblewoman well known for flirting with her husband, and cheating often on her own. Her eyebrows shot up. ''That's ridiculous.''

She shrugged. ''That's what Ranie said.''

That made it even more untrue in Kel's eyes. ''That's not true.''

''Perhaps,'' said the black-haired one, the look in her eyes telling Kel that it was obvious to see why a man would cheat on her.

She shrugged it off, because these noblewomen just seemed petty and malicious. Neal loved her and he would never do that. It was a few days later, and her encounter with Ranie, that made her change her mind.

Ranie approached her after she was done practicing the morning after.

''Your husband don't love ye anymore,'' she said, a smirk wide on her face and her blue eyes flashing.

''Excuse me?''

''Ye can't really expect him to,'' she said. ''With ye gone an' not gettin' younger. Not that ye were pretty in the first place.''

''Excuse me, I...''

''It's my turn now,'' she said. ''I've been waiting a _long_ time for him.''

Kel found herself increasingly disturbed as the conversation went on. Anger boiled in her veins, yet she found herself at a loss for words.

''He slept with me a few days ago, did ye know?'' she said.

''Neal did not anything that you're saying,'' Kel said, her voice tight. ''It's not your place to say these sorts of things. Now if you would go...''

Ranie laughed condescendingly. ''He's mine now,'' she said. ''Did you hear? He's _mine_.''

''I'm married to him, Ranie,'' she said. ''And you don't even know him.''

''I know him well enough,'' Ranie said, flicking her long blonde hair. ''I know him well enough to know that he's going to leave you.''

Kel couldn't stand to hear anymore of this. She walked past Ranie, planning to get some answers from a source that was actually reliable.

Kel went to Dom almost immediately after her encounter with Ranie.

She was shaking, even though she swore to herself up and down that it wasn't true. That Neal didn't cheat on her.

''Tell me it isn't true. Tell me she was just bragging because she was jealous of him, and always has been.''

Dom knew immediately what Kel was talking about.

His face softened. ''She's not lying, Kel.''

''No,'' she said. ''No.''

It was a great effort to keep her face free of emotion. The horror and the hurt and anger that bubbled up inside made her feel like she was going to explode.

''I'm afraid so,'' Dom said.

''Neal confirmed it to me. He felt horribly guilty about it.''

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head with her eyes cast to the ceiling. ''Horribly guilty, huh? And that excuses everything.''

He put a hand on her shoulder. ''No, not at all. It doesn't make it right. I still can't believe that my cousin would waste a girl like you for a girl like her.''

That was just too much for Kel. ''I have to go.'' She had to go, because if she didn't he would see her cry.

''How could you this to me?'' she asked him when she saw him. At that point, everything had sunk in and she was so angry at him that she could spit.

''I...'' He could not respond; he could not meet her scathing eyes. There was so much that she just did not understand and there was so much that she was refusing to accept.

''_I_ trusted you.''

She didn't yell, though her tone was full of frost. She wanted to cry, and she wanted to scream at him, yet she didn't want to give him the satisfaction by doing either. Her look was enough.

''Kel...''

''At least you have the decency to not make excuses for yourself.'' She shrugged, focused her eyes on him for a moment. ''Or maybe you don't know what to say.''

She was right; he didn't know what to say. Whatever he said would be no good anyway, because she would just ignore him.

He had never seen her like this. It only made him feel worse.

It was a mistake. Why couldn't she understand that? He slipped up, caved into the loneliness that afflicted him when he was away. Worst of all, he did it with a girl that bragged to him afterward.

He wished he could have told her himself. It would have still hurt her, but not like this had. She would have rather heard it from him than a rumor that got way out of hand.

''It was only once,'' Neal said finally. ''I made a mistake.''

''_Only_ once?'' she said.

He looked away as she glared at him again.

She acted like their marriage was so perfect. It wasn't. It wasn't in the best shape when Neal had cheated, strained by their time apart and by the absence of their children. He loved Kel, but a relationship needed more than love.

And he found that with Anna? she would ask him if he told her that, and he would almost be able to see the smoke coming from her nostrils.

No. He had not found that from Anna. He had found lust and he had found an escape, and both came with a heavy price tag.

''Is that all you think of me?'' she asked. ''That you can cheat on me for a night because it's _only once_.''

''I didn't say that, Kel!''

She shook her head.

''I made a mistake, Kel. What else can I say? I'm sorry.''

''Sometimes, Neal, sorry just isn't good enough.''

For a moment, Kel let her hurt show. The expression in her eyes hit Neal like a whip. Then her face became frost once more, and she began to act as if nothing had happened. It tore Neal apart, and he hated himself more than ever.

It didn't matter that he was sorry. He betrayed Kel, and manipulated her trust. He had spent her trust and her respect, and for what? He may be able to earn back some of what was lost, but she would never think of him in the same way again. Sorry could not fix that any of that.

**Okay so I've been juggling this in between school and the original novel that I've been working on. There really isn't that many ideas that I have left so after that I guess I'll just do occasional oneshots. I have an idea for a multi-chapter fanfic but I'd have to develop it more. Anyway... Please read and review. **


	28. Scenario 28 'I'd Have Loved You Better'

Scenario 28- ''...I'd Love You Better.''

Kel would watch him with her, and Kel would watch the way he looked at her.

His eyes would shine while hers stayed dull. His smile was as bright as a million suns, while hers remained impassive.

Albeit she was a Yamani, and he was not. Culture allowed him to show his emotions, but the same was not the case for her.

Yet... She did not love him. Kel felt that innately. Yuki did not show her love for Neal, and that was not because her culture dictated it.

It was because she did not love him.

Maybe that was wishful thinking, and maybe it was a bit biased. All Kel knew is that she felt the blood rush to her face and her fists clench, whenever she saw them together.

She should have told him. She should have told him when she had the chance, when he sat down with her and asked her if she thought that Yuki would be good for him. She should not have let the lump in her throat and the shaking in her hands stop her from telling her how she really felt.

She should not have let herself plaster a smile on her face, and even worse she should not continued to do so.

She should talk to Neal, she knew. She should tell him what she thought. Yet she found herself frozen at the thought.

One night, Neal knocked on her door.

''Yuki is not receiving me in her chambers today,'' he said. ''She hasn't received me yesterday either.''

''Oh,'' Kel said.

Her friends came to her for advice about love all of the time, and she could usually come up with better than this. But this advice would affect her too, and her prospects for love.

''Do you think she's angry at me, Kel?''

No, she thought. I just think she doesn't appreciate you enough. She doesn't appreciate you nearly enough.

She tried to think what she would say if it were Seaver or Owen or Cleon coming up to her. If she were unbiased, if she was just thinking of how both he and Yuki would benefit from this.

''Have you said anything hurtful to her?'' Kel said. ''You know how thoughtless you can be with your words sometimes.''

''No,'' he said. ''I don't think that I have.''

''Maybe you should try to talk with her.'' Kel knew that him talking to her probably wasn't the most productive thing to do.

The words were under her lips, ready to burst those words. Those words. I love you, stay with me, dump her...

Kel clamped her mouth shut, wishing that she was not such a coward when it came to love.

''She refuses to talk to me,'' Neal said, his eyes full of confusion and worry. ''I... I don't even know what I did.''

Kel's thoughts refused to stay back. Maybe it's not you, Neal, she thought. Maybe it's just her. She shouldn't have you if she doesn't even know how to treat you.

Kel flinched at her own cruel thoughts. She's your friend, she thought to herself. So is Neal. They are both very good people and they both deserve each other. You put yourself into this situation not her.

Kel held back these thoughts by trying to think of a solution for this problem. ''Maybe Shinko can try talking to her.''

''Or you could,'' Neal said.

Yes she could. She just didn't know how she could ever be able to.

''I'll do my best,'' she said.

I'll do my best not to convince her that she isn't good enough for him, Kel thought.

''Thank you,'' Neal said. ''It would mean a lot to me.''

Kel gulped, trying to swallow the lump that was beginning to form in her throat.

Neal left, and Kel chastised herself for being so stupid. It was a stupid thing to cry over, her love for Neal. She knew that he could never return her love, especially not with Yuki in the picture.

She wondered, for what seemed like the billionth time, how she could be so cowardly and insensible when it came to love.

In the weeks to come, this scenario would play out again and again and again. Neal would come knocking at her door, asking her advice as Yuki refused him yet again. Kel felt anger broil in her veins each time, swearing that she would know better to treat Neal like a piece of garbage if she ever had him.

He would swear that he would not go back to her, and then go back to her every time with some pseudo argument that she used.

Yuki did not love Neal. She was making that clear now; even their friends were becoming turned off from her. Kel knew that she could not make a move on Neal; if she did, she knew she would get a negative response. Her friends were trying to talk to Neal about Yuki, but he would not listen to them.

One day he came too her room, and she noticed that something had changed. His face was contorted with anger and bitterness instead of the usual mix of desperation, sorrow and resignation.

''Neal?'' she asked. ''Neal, what happened?''

''Yuki,'' he said.

''What did she do?''

''Janjii. She and Janjii…''

''She cheated with him?''

''I should've seen it coming.''

''I'm sorry, Neal.''

He sighed, and Kel swore that she saw tears swimming in his eyes.

''I was so stupid.'' He shook his head and laughed bitterly.

''No, Neal, you weren't. You were just in love.''

''Isn't that one in the same thing?''

Kel did not know what to say.

''Of course she did it,'' Neal said. ''Because I am so smart and so resistant to love, right? She figured I was perfect for her.''

''More like the perfect target,'' he added.

''If I had you,'' Kel made herself say before reason got the better of her, ''I'd have loved you better.''

''What?'' Neal said, looking at her suddenly.

''You heard me,'' Kel said, looking at the ground with an uncharacteristic shyness. ''I would have known better than to have wasted you. She's lucky to have had you in the first place.''

Kel, despite everything in her head that screamed at her not to do it, leaned in to kiss him.

He did not pull back. For a moment, she let herself savor the feeling of his breath on her tongue.

''I have to go practice,'' Kel said when she pulled back. ''Make sure to lock the door behind you please.''

Just like that, she got her glaive and a coat, and walked away leaving a stunned Neal gaping behind her.

** Okay, so that's the last of my scenarios... Leave a review if you have an idea for anything else. **


	29. Scenario 29'She Wants to Be'

Scenario 29 ''She Wants to Be Your Knightmaster''

Raoul had shattered her world with that news. Her dreams were decimated with it, though he tried to do his best to prevent it. And now... How could she face Neal with such news? How could she face him after he was now going to get what she had dreamed of her entire life? And yet, she was his best friend. She owed it to him to at least tell him something.

But... wouldn't he find it out soon enough? Why would she reopen a raw wound, cracking open her pain again like a nut, ripping out the seams that she had hastily stitched?

Yes, he would, she decided. Yet she nonetheless to tell him, because he would expect to hear it from her.

She knocked on his door, her heart thumping in her chest like a hammer. As she stood there waiting for him, she hesitated.

Should she just turn back now and forget about it? No. She had to tell him. He deserved to hear it from her, not from anyone else.

As he opened the door, Kel felt her heart fall from her throat to the floor. How could she tell him the news that she herself could barely come to terms with? Still she wiped her face clean of emotion as if the emotions running rampant through her were chalk on a chalkboard.

Neal was smiling as he greeted her, but the smile vanished as he saw her face. ''Kel?'' he asked. ''What's wrong?''

The Yamanis had long ago taught her how to veil her disappointment with a cloak over her face. She was trying to put that veil over him; that was how he knew instantly that something was wrong.

As Kel gazed into his emerald eyes, she felt her knees buckle. She had two friendship-shattering truths that were a few words away, though she would only reveal one to him then.

She went in, her legs feeling like quicksand.

''I have to tell you something,'' she said, feeling as if she had been punched in the stomach.

''What?''

She said nothing. Like a lake, she told herself. Like a lake.

''C'mon, Kel,'' he said. ''It can't be that bad, can it?''

Like a lake, she told herself. Like a lake. If she spoke, he might hear the pain in her voice, cracking like egg. She took a deep breath again, trying to calm the nerves that were on fire.

The Lioness may said nothing to her before, may have nothing for her before but she had at least thought... No, she told herself as she caught herself wondering why. No. It is not logical for you to be her squire.

She tried to tell herself that again, tried to make herself understand. Yet she realized that it wasn't that she didn't understand because she did. It was just that no amount of understanding could take away the acrid taste of disappointment that coated her mouth. No amount of understanding could take away the feeling of being rejected again by the woman she had looked up to all of her life, no matter the reason for why she was rejected in the first place.

''Tell me,'' he said, his face clouding with worry.

''You're right,'' she said, speaking in the blank voice she had been raised to use. ''It really is not that big of a deal.''

''Yeah, and the sun doesn't shine,'' Neal said.

Kel looked away, feeling the onslaught of emotions attack her like wild dogs.

''If it's not a big deal then tell me what it is,'' he said.

I shouldn't have came here, Kel thought. I should have let him find out on his own.

I'm here, she told herself. I have to tell him.

She took a deep breath. There was no reason to try to get around it; the facts were what they were.

''She wants to be your knightmaster,'' Kel said finally.

Neal's eyes grew as wide as dining hall plates. ''No,'' he said finally, stunned as if something had struck him in the forehead. ''Why? How do you know?''

''Raoul told me,'' Kel said simply. ''He said it would be better for both of us this way.''

''But Kel,'' Neal said, ''I can't take this. It's been your dream since...''

Kel shrugged. ''It doesn't matter much, does it? We have to do this. It's better for us this way.''

''Kel,'' Neal said, reaching toward her. ''Kel, I'm sorry.''

Oh gods, why was it that even now she still wanted to... No. Not another distraction, not another thing to be heartbroken over.

She wanted to weep in his arms. Instead, she pulled away from him making a special effort to keep her face clear.

''There has to be another way,'' he said, shaking his head. ''There has to be.''

''Raoul's right,'' she said. ''They'll get suspicious.''

''It doesn't matter.''

She sighed a gale of wind. ''It does matter, and we both know it.''

''It's been your dream all your life.''

''My dream is to be a knight,'' she said, her face momentarily slipping off its mask to reveal Kel's famous determination. ''I'll do whatever it takes to get there.''

Neal said nothing then, studying Kel for a moment. He bristled as Kel's determined face morphed once more into a Yamani mask.

''I'm fine,'' Kel said.

Neal said nothing, deciding to say no more. She would only deny it, he knew. She would never admit to any pain that it may have caused her.

Neal couldn't refuse it; she wouldn't let him. She would silently accept it like the stoic soldier she was, and there was nothing that he could do that would make her do otherwise.

There was nothing else to say to her. No words would change their predicament; they would both have to accept it as it was. It was for their own good after all so maybe they would both be happy about it in the end...

''I have to go,'' she said.

He nodded. There were no other words he could say to her, no words that would do anything but fill empty air. He wished that he could tell her that he didn't want this, that he would do anything to change it, but she would only tell him how ridiculous she was. She would tell him that she was fine, whether or not she really was.

She left then, the sound of the door's closing sounding emptily like a cry across a canyon. He

He sighed, feeling as if the world had been thrust at his shoulders. Why did Kel have to work so hard for what she wanted, when she was worthier than so many others? Why couldn't Kel get her wish just this once?

She would still get her dream though. She would just have to do it in a way other than what she had planned.

**I have to thank Rutu for giving me this idea. Otherwise I never would have posted this. I know it took me a while to write this but I wrote this between the two other original works I had been writing. If anyone else has an idea, please PM me and I would be glad to write it! Thank you for reading and please review. **


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